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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sffsnm7mk1c todd: hello. may i be sweet and presumptuousfor a second? woman #1: sure. todd: oh, i like your attitude already. todd: i feel like you're going to keep meon my toes. woman #1: oh, all right. i'm good at that. todd: really? todd: i don't know if i can trust you. woman #1: why?
todd: that look in your eyes, very devious. woman #1: i'm very trustworthy. todd: are you really? woman #1: i am. todd: i don't know how i feel about that.come on. let's get a drink. woman #1: i am trustworthy. todd: i have to be more drunk for this conversation. woman #1: do you? woman #1: i don't think you're very shy. absolutely.i think that's a ploy.
todd: a ploy? woman #1: yes. todd: what on earth would i be ploying? woman #1: i don't know. todd: what excites you? woman #1: what excites me? let's see. goodconversation, new experiences, risks. man #1: thanks a lot. you guys have a goodnight. todd: after you. man #1: you guys take care. thank you.
todd: thank you very much. take care, sir.___0:55 yeah. how good does the airconditioning feel? todd: i actually want to start backwards.i want to start at the end. i want to start with closing. okay? the structure we're goingto follow for how to go from open to close is open, hook, emotional connection, physicalconnection, and then close. okay? but the reason why i want to teach close first isthis. when guys learn the early stages, a lot of times, they'll learn how to do somethingin sort of a gimmicky way or a way that doesn't get them the whole way 'cause they don't havethe end in mind. for example, when we did canned structured game, a lot of times, youcould fall into what we call like dancing
monkey mode which is you go in, you're veryhigh energy, you're telling a lot of stories, you're making yourself like the center ofattention; and because you're entertaining and engaging, you'll get the girl into you.you'll get the girl hooked, but she is hooked on the entertainment. she is not hooked onyou as a person. what would happen is as long as you're being entertaining, as long as you'relike being the dancing monkey and doing like magic tricks and like telling jokes, she likesyou. as soon as that subsides, she's like, "that was fun. thanks" and leaves becauseshe never actually hooked on you. she hooked on the activity, or she hooked on the entertainment.okay? and that's because we're focused on how do you try and hook every set, not howdo you get laid as often as possible. all
right? so we are focusing on things that appearto get us somewhere along the way but didn't get us the whole way. okay? so what i kindof want to start with is i want you to think about what would be the ideal scenario atthe end of a pickup. how should it look like when you get her to your bedroom? okay? andwhat i'm going to say is it shouldn't look like you escalating her; and like you tryand touch her; and she's like, "no"; and you try and touch her more; and she's like, "no,no, no." it should not look like that. it should look the opposite. it should look likeher escalating on you. it should look like at the very least 'cause her escalating onyou, that's pretty extreme. it's nice when it happens; but at the very least, it shouldlook like her participating in the escalation.
okay? she needs to be an active participantand a willing participant, ideally. now, there will be a lot of times when you will get lastminute resistance. that's nature of the game; and if you're never getting last minute resistance,that means you're not pulling enough. if you're only getting the girls home that are so intoyou they're escalating on you, that's a problem, too, 'cause it means you're only getting thatsmall segment. however, ideally, you should structure things so that it's possible thatcould happen. you need to structure things with that end in mind. okay? so that's whatyou're going for. so with that said, everything you do along the way from the open all theway to the close should be with the idea of getting the girl to invest, getting the girlto chase you. that is absolutely critical
to what you're doing in game. okay? so it'snot like game is something you do to her. game is an experience you give her and youhave with her that allows her to start escalating on you and chasing you. all right? and soi like to say that lmr starts from the open. okay? last minute resistance doesn't startin the bedroom. it starts from hello. does that make sense? okay. so let's look at what'sgoing to go down when you do get a girl back to your place or back to a bedroom. todd: okay. a few things that guys commonlymess up on. first mistake that guys make a lot, they will get the girl back to theirplace and immediately the second they're in the door try and make out with her like pseudo-rapeher when they walk in the door. okay? now,
what does this convey to the girl? it conveysa few very bad things. number one, it conveys that you're horny and needy. okay? numbertwo, it conveys that you haven't been there before. right? if you were a guy who was havingsex every single night with a hot girl, when you got a girl back to your place, would thatbe a moment of extreme excitement for you? would that be a moment where you have to takehuge action or would that just be like another sort of moment in your life that you can enjoyas it is and take for its own sake as opposed to having an outcome in mind and as opposedto having an objective for the girl? okay? everything that you do should come from theidea of making an experience for the girl. julien has this idea which i really, reallylike. he says, "think of the pickup like a
movie." okay? the sex is the last five minutesof the movie. that's the best part. however, the last five minutes of the movie don't meananything without the rest of the movie before. you wouldn't want to turn on a movie and justwatch only the last five minutes. now, as guys, we kind of would. as guys, we love likethe porno idea. right? it's like we walk up. you do something like crazy like cheesy '70smusic in the background; and within like a minute, your dick is inside of her; and thatcan happen sometimes; but most of the time, that's not how it's going to happen. mostof the time, you need to have that experience; and it needs to be something that just happenedas opposed to something that was preplanned because the girl doesn't want to feel sluttyabout it. okay? that's a key component of
game is the idea that girls want sex. sexis better for them, but it's your job as a man to make them not slutty. okay? in fact,almost everything you do in terms of logistics; in terms of setting up the pull; in termsof managing what comes out of your mouth, avoiding certain phrases, that's all to keepthe girl from feeling slutty. and when you get the girl back to your place, not jumpingon her in the first five minutes makes her not feel as slutty. it makes her feel likeshe can be calm and relaxed and safe around you and let things unfold in a way that'spleasurable to her as opposed to forced on her. second mistake guys make when they getback to their place is they will try and get the girl immediately and directly into thebedroom. again, this can work if the girl
is super down and super on; but it's not necessary;and it will widen your scope if you don't do it. okay? here's another key componentof game or key idea in game. at any given point in the game whether it be open, close,anywhere, there's a certain level of things you can get away with and there's a certainrange of girls that will be receptive. for example, on the open, if you open with "hey,i want to fuck you now..." if this big circle here is the entire like range of women onthe planet, the girls who are receptive to "i want to fuck you now" is probably likethis. right? some tiny little circle within that range. if you went up to every girl andsaid, "hey, i want to fuck you now," some girls will be receptive to it. some girls,the ones that are receptive to it, will be
very down; and you would get laid if you justdid it enough. okay? but you're limiting yourself to this tiny segment here instead of the broadscope of all the girls available to you. if instead you said, "hey, you're kind of cute.i'd like to talk to you," instead of this little bit, you're going to get a much biggersegment; and within that segment, you're going to get all the same ones you would have gottenwith that smaller segment. okay? similarly, if the second you get a girl back to yourplace, you like try and rape her in the door and run her into the bedroom, certain smallpercentage of girls will be down for that at that point; but that percentage would alsobe down for a bit of a slower approach as long as you're escalating; so it makes moresense - you've already invested this time
and you've gotten the girl back to your place- to take that slower approach, have a higher percentage chance of it working; and thenit'll still work on the girls that are super down as well. does that make sense? okay?so a lot of what you're doing in game is you're trying to play the percentages. you're tryingto do things in an intelligent manner that is going to give you the highest possiblechance of succeeding. so first mistake, don't rape her in the door. second mistake, don'ttake her straight to the bedroom. if you take her straight to the bedroom, it's conveying,again, you just want sex. right? if instead you're like, "hey, what's up? do you wantto drink? have a seat for a second. i'm going to go wash my hands" whatever... whateveryou're doing, you get her comfortable in your
place. you let it happen more naturally. youescalate more naturally. then, again, you're widening the scope of girls that will be receptiveto that. todd: now, that doesn't give you the excuseto just chode around and never make a move. that's actually worse. right? that's probablythe biggest male mistake is not making a move, so that's the opposite in the spectrum isjust sitting with them and never trying anything. don't go there either. okay. so you got themback to your place, chill with them on the couch, and realize also... or chill with themon the couch, balcony, living room, wherever and realize you don't even need a bedroomto have sex. i would say over the last year of my life, most of the sex i've had did notstart in a bed. okay? now, a lot of it finished
in a bed; but most of it probably did notstart in a bed. a lot of it started on a couch or standing up against the wall or besidea pool or in a bathroom somewhere or wherever. okay? and the reason for that is that it'sactually easier, surprisingly; or in an alley, it's actually easier; and funny enough, here'sthe really ironic thing. the girl will oftentimes feel less slutty about fucking you in an alleythan about fucking you in a bed, maybe not afterwards but at the time of. okay? and thereason why is because when it's in an alley or by a pool, it just happened. when it isin a bed or in a bedroom, they acknowledge that they were going there and they willinglywent with you to a bedroom; so they have some volition in the activity. they have some fault.right? they are somehow responsible. right?
a big part of your job as a man is to takethe responsibility off of their shoulders, so don't think that it has to go down in abedroom. don't think any of that. the key components for sex are you're alone enoughthat she's not going to get caught and she's aroused enough to do it. that's pretty muchit. okay? those are the only criteria for sex. everything else is superfluous. now,certain situations are better or easier than others; but everything else is not completelynecessary; so that's all you're working on. again, from open to close, all you're workingon is get her alone with you and get her aroused enough for it to happen. that's it, nothingmore than that. okay? and be flexible and be creative in how you do that. don't thinkthat it has to go by some standard plan.
todd: once you get to actually escalatingwith the girl, key concept in escalation, two steps forward, one step back. many ofyou will have heard this before. all right? two steps forward, one step back. the ideahere is you always want to be pushing forward to the level that she is okay with but nofurther. okay? if you push too far, you get a no; and it's okay to get nos; but they makeit take longer. okay? ironically, by trying to go faster, you will go slower because you'llintroduce the word no into the equation. okay? so you're trying to go too fast; you get ano; and instead of trying to save that five minutes by going too fast or by going faster,you waste 45 minutes of her rejecting you and getting uncomfortable and you having toback all the way up and start over again.
you're much better off not pushing to thepoint of no but pushing to the point just short of no and then backing off. however,on the flip side, you do have to push. you do have to make the move. the girl will notmake the move for you 95% of the time. okay? you have to be pushing forward. two stepsforward, one step back. the key idea here, though, is that the girl already likes you.by the time you've gotten the girl back to your place, again, emotionally, she likesyou; and ideally, logically, she likes you. she's made some sort of commitment to you.she said things like "i like you," "you're cute," "you're amazing." she's done some physicalescalation on you. it doesn't have to be much. even a little bit is huge; but she is alreadycommitted to some degree; so basically, you're
trading... trading discomfort is what i'mgoing to call it. okay? so you're pushing forward. you're escalating. she might be alittle uncomfortable with that escalation. she might be a little uncomfortable with yourhand going to a certain place on her body. however, if you were to withdraw your attentionbecause, you know, she says no or whatever and you back off and then there's that awkwardsilence or there's that lack of stimulation, that lack of stimulation should feel worseto her than whatever escalation you were doing or did. does that make sense? okay? so thefact of losing your attention feels more uncomfortable than the escalation, so that's her trade-off.right? and when that's the trade-off, it's easier to allow you to escalate than not.when it's more painful and more awkward for
you to escalate, then that's when she'll resistit. okay? so that's the equation we're looking for, and the key thing you're looking fornext is what i call the point of no return. point of no return is a concept that cameto me very, very painfully over many, many pulls that didn't go down; and what i wouldnotice is that if i had a date that went really well like really, really well, it would usuallyend in sex. i had a date that went like kind of well. usually, we'd get back to my place;and like we'd hang out a little bit, maybe make out a little bit. it wouldn't go toofar; and then like she'd leave; and then oftentimes, she'd come out for like another date later;and then something could actually go down. however, the ones that were kind of in-betweenthat were really on but for some reason didn't
quite get to sex, the ones where like clothesare coming off, i'm fingering her, it's real hot and heavy like pulling hair and sayingall kinds of like slutty type of things, and then for some reason like sex doesn't happen,i found that almost never would i get a call back from the girl later. almost never wouldi get another date later, so that point where you're not going to get another date is whati call the point of no return. okay? if you go past that point, you better damn well havesex; or you're never seeing the girl again. okay? be aware of where that point is. now,where is that point generally? it depends on case by case; but typically, it's whereyou're doing something that's so overtly sexual, she can't justify it. okay? so she startstalking like super dirty to you. that can
be point of no return; or for a lot of girls,it's when you actually start like fingering them. like once your finger has actually liketouched vagina, then point of no return. all right? so you want to be very careful andcautious of when it happens. the other one is when her clothes start coming off, pointof no return. okay? but you'll kind of know it for any particular girl. you'll kind ofget a sense for "oh, my god. this is about to happen" or not; and when that's the case,you want to be very careful that they are participating because if you're going acrossthe point of no return and you're pushing and they're resisting, there is a very highlikelihood you're going to get last minute resistance, it's not going to go down, andthen you're going to never see the girl again.
right? and even if it's a one-night standsituation, within the last minute resistance itself, if you push past the point of no returnin the wrong way, you're more likely to get her flipping out and like leaving as opposedto staying; letting you recycle and try again; or letting you stay like take her for a quickwalk, bring her back, and then start all over again. as long as you haven't crossed thepoint of no return, you have a lot of those options. once you've crossed that point, whenshe leaves, she is really leaving so be very cognizant of that; and the things you wantto look for at that point are "is she escalating on you?" that's the biggest one, and it doesn'thave to be much. right? if you're making out with her and she just like squeezes your backa little bit or starts running her hands up
and down your back, that's good. right? ifshe kisses you unprovoked, that's good. if she starts nibbling on your neck, that's good.anything that she's doing to you that doesn't give her direct pleasure is very, very, verygood. if she ever asks you to escalate, that's good. if she says, "i need you to kiss mehere" or "take my hand," that sort of thing, that's very good. again, anything where sheis an active participant in the sex, that's what you want. okay? you want that to be thecase. also ideally, the entire interaction to this point should have been structuredin such a way that occasionally she's chasing you. okay? 'cause, again, if you're chasing,chasing, chasing, she's pushing away, pushing away, pushing away, that's not a good vibefor the interaction. that's a vibe that leads
to bad last minute resistance as opposed togood last minute resistance; so that's very, very critical. also, if you're pushing forwardthe whole way and never pushing her away and never making her chase, she knows how themovie ends. right? again, take this movie metaphor. if you went to a movie and you knewin advance how the movie ended, you would enjoy it less than if you didn't. you'd enjoythe movie less than if there was suspense so keep that suspense there. keep her chasingto a certain degree. that's absolutely critical for the close; but because it's critical forthe close, it's critical throughout the entire rest of the set. todd: other quick tips for the close. takeyour clothes off first. okay? why is that?
so say that you're getting hot and heavy.you're escalating with a girl. it's getting pretty intense, and you start like tryingto take her clothes off. there's a very good chance that she may try and like hold themon or she may be resistant to that. okay? and her resistance will take a physical form.it will take an active form. whereas, contrast that to say you're halfway across the roomor you're even closer or whatever and instead of trying to take her shirt off, you takeyour shirt off. right? the message being conveyed is the same. the message being conveyed isstill "this is going in a sexual direction." however, she is much less likely to grab yourshirt and try and hold it on than she is to grab hers and hold it on. does that make sense?so you're getting the same message across
in a way that requires less compliance. that'sanother very key concept to effective game. okay? most of what you do with a girl, mostof the escalation you do, the escalation itself isn't that important. what's more importantis the message you're conveying when you escalate. okay? so taking your shirt off conveys thesame message as taking her shirt off; but taking your shirt off is easier; so most ofthe time, taking your shirt off is the better move. make sense? right? or trying to fingerher is... you know, it conveys one message. putting her hand on your dick conveys thesame message. now, fingering her arouses her much more; so there is something to be saidfor that one; but that said, the message is the same; and the one is far less risky especiallyif you can do it as though it's almost like
an accident. okay? so you can do it, so it'snot her fault, so look for ways that you can do that. look for ways that you can get thesame communication, that same level of intensity, that same level of sexuality and sensualitywithout making it her fault, without for asking compliance; and that theme is going to comeup over and over and over again as we discuss all the other stages of the pickup. todd: other concepts for last minute resistance.tease, tease, tease, tease, tease. don't go straight for it unless it's extremely on.say that you have a girl who is making out with you, and you probably could finger her,but she might or might not resist. should you do it? well, unless there's an extremetime constraint, probably not. okay? probably
not. probably what you should do instead isyou run your hand up her thigh, run it right up near there, and then pull it away, andtease her, and make her want it instead of doing it. all right? because, again, the thingyou're conveying is the same. you're arousing her just as much. in some ways, even thoughyou're not arousing her as much physically, psychologically and emotionally you mightbe arousing her even more; and you're creating a situation where she is wanting it and wonderingwhy you didn't as opposed to wondering why you did. all right? or as opposed to thinkingthat she's slutty because you did. okay? so again, ideally, this is all about flippingthe script, getting it to a situation where she is trying to make it happen rather thanjust you trying to make it happen. a couple
moves that i absolutely love for last minuteresistance. these are my two nuclear last minute resistance moves. first one is onceyou start making out with a girl, getting very physical, it's going down, one thingi love to do is while you're like, again, on a floor, on a bed, up against the wall,take both of the girl's hands in one of yours and pin them like up above her hand. all right?now, don't pin them so heavily that you're literally kidnapping the girl or like pseudo-rapingher. just get the idea. right? the fact that you're holding them at all will first of allarouse her. a lot of girls like being dominated. a lot of girls like that sort of energy; buteven beyond that, if you're holding two of her hands in one of yours, that means youhave a free hand; and a free hand is a very,
very good thing in last minute resistance.okay? so you now have a free hand. your hand can wander. all right? and as your hand wanders,you want to be very cognizant of what she's feeling and what she's thinking. okay? soideally, whenever you're coming to a place of, again, point of no return or a place that'sa little risky, you want to be very cognizant of it. so say that you're running your handup her thigh. you're thinking, "maybe i will. maybe i won't"; and then you notice she getsa little bit tense. right? before going the rest of the way and getting her extra tense,just brush it aside. go back down the outside of the thigh as though you never intendedto do it, as though you were teasing her. right? and most of the time, she doesn't knowthat she tensed up slightly. i mean she knows
she was starting to feel a little uncomfortable,but she doesn't know she actually showed it, and so she doesn't know that she said no.she thinks you said no. she thinks that you were just like so attuned to what's goingon with her that you knew exactly the moment she was uncomfortable and pulled away, andso she thinks you have this massive connection. she thinks that you know exactly how to pleaseher. she thinks you're amazing in bed. does that make sense? also, she's wondering, "whydidn't he? i didn't stop him. why didn't he? does he really like me? is he really doingthis? is he teasing me?," that sort of thing; so again, it's a much better frame. the othergreat thing about the two hands in one is that if they are going to give a big resistance,they're probably going to do it with their
hands; but probably, they're not going todo it directly. they'll move their hands or fidget or check how like loose or tight itis beforehand; so when you start noticing motion in the hands, that's another key signalto back off, take a minute, and then re-escalate. right? so by doing this, you're able to gothrough the process of getting the information of the no which is important information.you need that information of she's not comfortable with it, but you get the information withoutactually hearing no. okay? so it's much, much more effective; and you avoid that 45-minuterecycle of the no. make sense? now, don't be so terrified of the no. don't be so scaredthat like she can never say no. just try and minimize it. try and minimize it. try andmake the process as smooth as you possibly
can. okay? one other philosophy on this thati don't use so often but it's a very valid philosophy used by a lot of guys who are verygood at game is completely the opposite which is i said, "don't hear no"; what they sayis "hear no so many times that the word no loses its meaning." all right? and they makea distinction between what they call a soft no and a hard no, and a soft no is like "no,no, no," and a hard no is like "no. police. rape." okay. that's a hard no. soft no islike, "haha, no, no, no, haha. what are we doing? no, we shouldn't." okay? as long asyou're getting soft nos, it's okay. just be very, very aware of the hard no. okay? andso that's another form of teasing is you can tease the soft no, so to speak. you can findout like what they give the soft no to and
like kind of do it a little bit and then pullaway, do it a little bit and pull away; so they end up saying the word no so many timesin a way that doesn't mean anything, that they almost can't say it at a time when itdoes. okay? that sounds a little rapey, but the idea here is that you're getting sortof like positive compliance, and the fact that they're giving you a soft no at all meansthat they really like you. okay? so you want to work it through that one; so that's analternative; but the key premise, though, is that you're avoiding the hard no. one wayor another, whether you do it through a lot of soft nos or whether you do it through likebeing very smooth in your escalation, you're avoiding that hard, severe no that sets youback because that is what would make it take
way too long. todd: i know many, many times when i pulla girl, if i have a time constraint or i feel like i have to get up early in the morningor she has an early flight and i'm in a rush, a lot of times, if that rush makes me pushfaster, i mess it up. i get a no, and then i don't end up making it. a lot of times,on the other hand, if i know i have a rush and i just decide, "you know what? this iseither going to go down or it's not. i'm just going to do the best i can. i'm going to enjoythe process," so often it goes down like so instantly it's like it makes my head spin.all right? i remember a lot of my best pulls over the last year were... i was in vegas,flying out the next day to go to a boot camp;
and i have like a six a.m. flight; so i needto like leave for the airport like four or something like that; and so i'm probably noteven packed half the time; so i'm thinking to myself, "there's no way i can pull tonight.this is ridiculous. i don't even know why i'm out." i'm just like, "oh, i'll just helpmy students out. i'll just go have some fun. i'll just joke around." the next thing youknow, some girl is like, "i love you. you're amazing" and making out with me. i'm like,"holy shit"; and home we go. why? because i'm not pushing it. i'm not trying to rushanything. i'm just letting it happen naturally; and when you're letting it happen naturally,you're conveying non-neediness. you're being in the moment, and that's what makes it work.all right? so you want that same vibe throughout
the interaction but especially at the close,especially at that moment when you could get the most outcome-dependent. you want to betruly enjoying the moment, enjoying the escalation with the girl, as opposed to just thinkingin your head that like escalation is a checkbox. right? it's not like tick this box then tickthis box then tick this box. it's not like that. it should be an experience, and it shouldbe enjoyed by both parties. okay? quick word on it not being a checkbox. one of the mostimportant escalation moves for a lot of guys is the kiss. right? everybody thinks, youknow, you kiss a girl and you're down. well, i've slept with, i think, roughly around iwould say 10 or 12 girls in my life who would not kiss me before sleeping with me. right?now, as compared to the total number of girls
i've slept with, that's a tiny fraction; butit's significant; and interestingly enough, a lot of those were among the hottest girlsi've ever slept with so definitely a worthwhile fraction; and why is that? why would a girlsleep with you but not kiss you? well, a lot of the other escalation moves you can do arenot her fault; but the kiss definitely is her fault 'cause she's participating. right?so especially if a girl has a boyfriend, she may not want to kiss you. she may be arousedby everything. she may allow things to happen, but she may not want the kiss to happen 'causeshe has fault in that. again, some of the hottest girls i've ever slept with who insome cases i know had boyfriends - they told me either before or after - and some casesi don't know but i would assume they probably
did, they did the absolute maximum to makeit not their fault. right? they basically like gave me shit tests the entire way home,never gave me a single positive, never escalated with me overtly; but they just kind of likeallowed me to stay with them, allowed me to get into bed with them, allowed me to likestay over; and then when i started escalating, they gave me kind of soft no but not hardno. right? and then one thing led to another. it just happened; and probably, they didn'tkiss me; and oftentimes, they didn't even kiss me after sex. okay? so even the kisswhich a lot of people think is one of the key moves for escalation is not necessaryto escalate. right? if the kiss isn't necessary, certainly holding her hand or hugging heror pulling her hair, none of those are necessary
either; so don't think that there's ever onepath. don't think that just because you get resistance on one thing that you'll get resistanceon something else, or don't think that no means no forever or that there's not anotherroute. there are a million different ways to get to sex, and your success is not determinedby... this will come up more in opening, but success is not determined by whether the girltakes your hand early in the set. she can reject your hand early in the set and havesex with you later. i've had many girls reject giving me a number early in the set, and theni stick in with it, and then i stick in with it. i end up having sex with them. don't thinkthat resistance or reaction badly now or not escalating at a certain point means that it'snot going to go down later. that's simply
not the case as long as, you know, the signalsare there. also, a lot of girls have blatantly rejected me, shoved me off, told me to fuckoff, left; and then i've met up with them later in the night or even stuck in at thatmoment and ended up having sex with them; so don't ever think that rejection is everything;and don't think that it has to go down some smooth predetermined path. every pull thatyou have in your entire life will be a little bit different. okay? a lot of them are formulaic.they do follow a set game plan. even then, they are very, very different at the sametime. todd: so one lmr move is the holding the twohands. the other one that i really like and this one is for point of no return is whati call the preemptive freeze-out. okay? you
guys may be familiar with the freeze-out fromold-school like, you know, pickup theory. freeze-out basically is this idea that ifthe girl reacts badly or resists at a certain point, what you do is you completely withdrawtension and, you know, go in the next room or just like roll over and like go to sleepor pretend to go to sleep, that sort of thing. you withdraw your attention completely. theidea of the freeze-out being that the freeze-out is more awkward for her and it makes her feelworse than whatever escalation was going on. that's the general idea of the freeze-out;and the freeze-out is a very, very powerful move. however, the freeze-out is also a littlebit reactive. right? you're supposed to do the freeze-out ideally in a way that looksnot reactive, looks like you don't care; but
if it's in direct reaction to a rejection,it obviously is going to come off a little bit butthurt. okay? so my favorite move, though,is the preemptive freeze-out. it's the freeze-out without cause. okay? it's the freeze-out whenthings are going well instead of when things are going badly, so say that i have a girlback at my place, and we're escalating. things are starting to go well. we're getting tothat point of like things could be about at point of no return. it's getting a littlehot and heavy, but i'm looking at it based on my experience, and i'm not sure it's goingto go down. okay? right at that moment, one of my favorite things to do is break it off,take a break, go to the next room, go use the restroom, go grab another drink, somethinglike that, and then come back; and ideally,
what i would do is i would come back and notpick up right where we left off. right? have you guys ever had a girl do this? right? youhave ever had a girl do this where like you're on the bed; it's going well; and she's like,"hang on. just give me a second. i have to go to the bathroom." then she goes to thebathroom, comes back; and instead of sitting back next to you on the bed, she goes andsits like on the chair. i'm like, "what the fuck? this girl was on the bed with me; andwe're making out; and now, she's like halfway across the room. what just happened?" right?now, as a guy, that gets to you. imagine how much it must get to a girl. imagine what thatmust do to a girl. okay? so use that to your advantage. again, key concept is make it nother fault, get her chasing, and watch out
for that point of no return. that's the keyconcept. the tactic is preemptive freeze-out. all right? and that's very, very, very effectivein setting things up. yeah? audience: i see what you mean, but ___31:31if you completely interrupt it. the first thing, it can also work on our egos, you know,ultimately; and also, ___31:41 and the fact that you really want them; and so i ___31:46something like that because i used to do a lot of freeze-outs; and i stopped with iteventually. todd: right. audience: ___31:53 on me actually; and they,well, like seeing themselves... i could actually see them taking that "oh, you want to play?"___32:00
todd: and then they decided to play gameswith you, too. audience: yeah. todd: it makes sense. yeah, two things onthat. one, i would say is if you get the girl back and she's like, you know, eating yourface already and like totally on, don't be silly and do a freeze-out when you don't needto. like again, this is for when you sense that you won't get through the point of noreturn otherwise 'cause you don't like throw in a technique just to throw in the technique,always use it in the appropriate time. the second thing is you want to use it early enoughthat it's not such a break; so if you've already been fingering her and you were super close,almost had your penis inside of her like very
close and like it was rubbing there, that'snot the time to do a preemptive freeze-out 'cause then you go to the next room and shestarts to think, "oh, shit. what happened? what's going on?" and she'll like come toher senses. you should actually do it way before that when you're just making out alittle bit so that it's not such a huge break and it's not a break in a moment where shemight feel guilty; so yeah, be very judicious in the use of this. you don't want to justuse it blindly with respect to timing or with respect to situation, but it can be a usefultool. todd: so i'm going to go then to opening,hooking, all that kind of stuff; but i want you to keep in mind as i go through all ofthese other stages the things i've told you
in closing because there's a very big differencebetween what i call good game and effective game. okay? there's a lot of guys that knowhow to get a lot of indicators of interest from a girl, a lot of guys that know how tolike spike buying temperature and get a big reaction, but don't know how to get laid.right? in fact, for years, we would go in and we'd have all these like pre-canned routines.we'd be comedically tight. we'd like devalidate the girl. we'd get her chasing us, touchingus; but as soon as we drop the energy, we'd lose the set because we had started off witha bad premise. we started off with a premise of "she is on a pedestal. we have to be veryentertaining. we have to be very amazing; and as soon as we're not amazing, we're notenough." all right? and we weren't going in
with the idea of seduction. we were goingin with the idea of entertainment almost. okay? or we were going in with the idea oflike pushing her buttons; and there's not necessarily a correlation between the two;so whenever you're in your game, don't just be thinking about "how do i get to the nextstage?" do be thinking about that. do be thinking "how do i get from a to b, from b to c, cto d?" but also be thinking "is the way that i'm getting from a to b or b to c actuallygoing to get me to z or is that going to interfere with getting to z?" okay? so as i go throughthe earlier stages, keep in mind the things i've said with regard to closing; keep inmind the idea that you want her to be an active participant; keep in mind the idea that youwant her chasing, and keep in mind the idea
that from the very first moment, you're actuallyworking on last minute resistance. okay? last minute resistance is not something you startaddressing in the bedroom. it's something you start addressing the moment you say hello.okay? so keep those in mind as we go through open, hook, emotional connection, and physicalconnection. also, i'll tell you. because this is a technical lecture, i'm going to talka lot more about the open and the hook and not so much about the connection phases becausethose are more like sort of artistic, organic phases; but i will give you some pointersfor those as well. all right. all right. so let's talk about the open. everybody alwaysasks, "what is the best opener?, "what do you say to the girl?," that sort of thing;and the thing is it doesn't matter.
todd: hello. woman #2: hi. todd: may i be mildly presumptuous and forwardfor ten seconds or less? woman #2: sure. todd: you are far too cute to be talking onyour phone or texting on your phone instead of talking to cute local boys. woman #2: okay. todd: you're welcome. who are you? todd: it absolutely 100% does not matter.i have opened with the weirdest, worst things
and gotten laid. i have opened with the bestthings and gotten nowhere. what does matter are two things. your vibe off the open matterstremendously. i actually will say three things. your vibe off the open matters tremendously,that you're loud enough to get her attention matters tremendously, and what you say immediatelyafter the open matters. those are the three things that matter. what you actually saymatters almost none. okay? and so you can open with pretty much anything. now, thereare a couple different philosophies on opening. one is the direct philosophy, and the otheris the indirect philosophy. okay? direct philosophy is to say something like "hey, you're cute.i wanted to talk to you. who are you?" that's pretty direct. another more direct is "hey,you're fucking hot. i want you." that's extremely
direct; and that can work sometimes, too.indirect is "hey, i need your opinion on something..." or "wow, the music here is really good" andthen keep talking, something like that. okay? something that's not directly about you andher, not directly about sex, would be an indirect open. now, which is better, direct or indirect?trick question. neither. okay? it depends on the situation. my personal philosophy andone that i think is extremely effective and useful for me and even more so for students'cause the more that you're new in the game and less calibrated you are, the more youneed guidelines; the more you have experience, the less you need guidelines... but the guidelinei like to follow and the guideline i teach students is go as direct as you can get awaywith but no more direct. okay? if you go too
direct, you will turn the girl off. it's tooobvious. you're asking for too much compliance. you're making the girl feel slutty if shegoes along with you, so you don't want to be too direct. however, within that scopeof what you can get away with, the more direct you are, the easier making every step of theinteraction afterwards. okay? so if you start out extremely indirect, you start out liketalking about the weather, then you have to transition from talking about the weatherto talking about something more intimate and then from talking about something more intimateto bringing up man to woman conversation and like looking her in the eye and getting intense.right? and then you have to like transition to getting physical. there are more transitionsin there. there is more time spent whereas
if you were able to get away with "hey, you'recute. i want to meet you" and she reacts positively to that, you've cut out a lot of the bullshit.you've cut out a lot of the wasted time; and especially in a high-energy, intense environment,time is huge. okay? you open a girl in, say, a loud night club. you only have a certainwindow of time before her friends are going to like come find her or object or there'sgoing to be some huge distraction that will drag her attention away. okay? so time isyour ally. also, when you open more directly or when you do anything more directly, you'reenhancing the intensity of everything that's going on. right? a more intense interactionis harder for the girl to leave. if you're eyeball to eyeball with a girl and like you'relike giving her like the hot like sexy eyes
and she's giving you the anime eyes and you'relike pulling her hair, that's a pretty intense interaction for the girl. a little distractionover to the side, she probably won't even notice; but if you're talking about the weatherand there's some little distraction, she's very likely to get distracted and to leave.okay? so another reason why you want to be as direct as possible... one is to save time.the other is because the more intimate you are with the girl and the more intense theinteraction, the less she will respond to distractions; and most of the time as youget good, you'll notice the girls you lose aren't because the girl didn't like you butbecause of her friends or something going on in the club or some other stupid distraction.okay? so that's the other advantage of going
very direct is the distractions are less meaningful.okay? so that's why, in my opinion, you want to go as direct as you can get away with.okay? todd: now, how do you know when you can godirect and when you can't? so whenever i see a set, i'm looking for how much compliancedo i think i can get from them. okay? compliance just means them changing what they're doingto suit your purpose, i suppose. it's a rough definition of compliance. so let's look atthe extreme cases. least compliance-necessary set i can think of would be a girl sittingby herself at a table with nobody around. that's a no-compliance situation basically.okay? you can walk up and especially like if she has like a lot of like laptop and papersand all kinds of stuff scattered. it would
be extremely hard for her to leave that situation.it would be a huge hassle, so you don't have to do much. right? you can go in, and youcan... even if you're pretty offensive, even if you're kind of obnoxious, even if she doesn'tlike you, the choice of having to move all that stuff is, you know, ___40:09 or not somethingshe really wants to do; so she's not going to do that readily. right? so you can getaway with a lot in that situation. does that make sense? the epitome of the noncompliancesituation would be girl in a chain of people that involves guys and girls in a loud nightclub getting physically dragged through. right? and possibly being led by bouncers and/orhosts. that would be the extreme like noncompliance situation. right? if you go super direct inthat situation, probably she's just not going
to hear it. she's like, "no. fuck off," whateverand doesn't have time for it and will keep doing whatever she's doing. okay? now, notto say that like going indirect is super great in that last situation either. it's just atough situation; but the point is it would be extremely, extremely slutty for her todrop everything she's doing in that mixed group situation where there's clear actiongoing on and go with you. right? so you're asking for a lot there. okay? generally, thingsthat lead to a set that has a lot of compliance... if a girl is committed to a location, morelikely to be compliant. if the girl seems bored or unoccupied, more likely to be compliant.if the girl seems happy, more likely to be compliant. okay? so like bored, happy, sittingalone, or like daydreaming is probably the
most compliant situation ever, i guess; butso those are the things you're looking for, though. okay? if the girl is moving, not ascompliant. if the girl is with guys, not as compliant. if the girl is with a group thatshe seems very engaged with, not as compliant. if the girl is with a medium-sized group,very uncompliant. like say like two to three to four girls, that's not a very compliantsituation 'cause she is with her friends. they're having kind of a tight conversation.it's going to be hard to drag her out of that. if the girl is by herself, very compliant.ironically, if a girl is with like 20 people, she might be very compliant because once you'rewith 20 or 10 or so, a lot of times, you can drag the girl out of the group and she isnot really missed; or a lot of times, the
group is not quite as tight-knit and not quiteas engaged with each other; so you can kind of treat the big set as though the girl isby herself; so a lot of times, there, you can actually go for compliance. okay? so theseare some criteria for how you would look for getting compliance on the open. all right?and depending on the situation, you want to open in a different way. the one situationthat i'll make kind of special note of is for like an amog situation where the guy andthe girl are together and actually seem to like each other. a lot of times, direct reallywon't work 'cause you'll just get like pushed away. indirect might work a little bit, butthe guy probably still kind of knows what you're doing. so i do a third kind of openerthat i just kind of came up with which is
what i call the distraction opener which isi will find some sort of disrtracting thing in the environment and i'll draw attentionto that as though it surprised me and i'll use that as my reason for bumping into theset or my reason for having some kind of conversation and then once i've physically come betweenthe guy and the girl, then i'll reopen the girl a second time from that situation; soi do sort of like a two-tiered opener because any opener i'm going to do on a guy/girl setwhere they already like each other is probably going to be met with immediate resistance;so i want to do something like a little psychotic or a little weird or a little just surprisingto throw off that initial resistance and just get my foot in the door; so that's the extremenoncompliance situation which is you have
to do an open that doesn't even look likean open; but so you're looking for those compliance indicators; and then depending on them, youcan open in different ways. todd: now, again, you want to be as directas possible; so if you can open in a physical way, that's always better. however, if openingin a physical way will immediately blow the set out, that's not good. again, rememberthis sort of arrow diagram i'm going to make. right? this is all the girls. these are thegirls that are receptive to a particular move. okay? so could you open by walking up andmaking out with a girl? absolutely, yes. i've done it many times in my life. however, ifyour default open was to walk up and try and make out with every girl, only a very smallpercentage of girls are going to go for that
relative to the amount that would go for adifferent opener. okay? so you don't want to narrow your scope so much that you onlyget a few girls coming through sort of the... you only catch a few girls in the net. okay?however, you don't want to be so broad that you don't eliminate any girls actually. youdon't want to be too perfect; and i'll get into that in a second; but you also don'twant to be so nonthreatening that you leave yourself too much work to do after the fact;and actually, it's better not to open 100%. okay? if you open 100%, first of all, that'slike a miracle. congratulations, you've come up with some weird social glitch so good foryou but you know what? it's not even going to improve your game. that's the fucked uppart of it. if you could open 100% of girls,
it really probably wouldn't even improve yourresults in game very much because... say you go out in the night, and every single girlopens for you, and it's kind of lukewarm. it's like "oh, i'll tolerate this guy; andthen we'll see where it goes from there." right? in order to open 100%, that's how youwould have to open. you can't open super direct and get it to 100%. all right? so you haveto open a little bit weakly, a little bit indirectly. now, what you're going to do isyou're going to be spending a lot of your time with girls that are not that into you.you'll be spending a lot of time with girls that either are not down for something thatnight, are not receptive, you don't have immediate chemistry with, that sort of thing. whereas,if you got say 70% of the girls to open or
50% of the girls to open and they open muchstronger, you would be immediately screening out a lot of the girls you don't want to betalking to anyway; and also, you would be screening out girls you have good chemistrywith; and you would be closer right off the open to something happening; so you wouldwaste less time in the sets you do open. okay? so understand that ironically that game thatlooks perfect, game that looks high-percentage in terms of like getting through one stage,might not be the most high-percentage in terms of getting you laid. if you want to get laidon a particular night, the way that you should do it is you should open very directly, notso directly you're going to get rejected by every girl but very directly, probably liketwice as direct as you normally would, whatever
that means as far as the number; but you shouldopen extremely directly; and say the girl is either on or off right now. if the girlis on, stick in and try and make it work. if the girl is off, find next set. boom. opendirectly. if it's on, good; if not, next set. right? if you want to be efficient, that'sthe way to do it. we have a particular student in immersion who has a style very similarto that; and he'll do a lot of sets in a night. he tells me the average is 30 sets a nightwhich is a lot. i don't know if i quite believe him on that number, but he also gets laidmore than anyone in immersion. he does very, very well; and he sleeps with very hot girlsas well. okay? why? because he has a very good strategy for what he's doing. right?good strategy will oftentimes trump good technique.
strategy is absolutely paramount. okay? sokeep that in mind as well, so you want to do an open that is as direct as you can butnot too direct. that's the summary point; and you want to get physical, if you can,off the open because it's going to make so many other things much, much easier. okay?and the more intense the environment, the more important it is to get physical quicklyand the more you will get away with being physical off the opener; so if it's a louddance club, there's a lot of social acceptance for being physical so use that to your advantage,get close early; and also, it's necessary to get physical because it's very hard tohave a normal conversation from a distance. it would be hard to make those transitions.in day game, it's going to be much less acceptable
to open hyperphysical and also much less necessarybecause you can have a normal conversation even from 5 feet or 10 feet away and you canallow things to build gradually. in fact, in the daytime, it usually needs to builda little bit more gradually. all right? the metaphor for that by the way is... this issomething i got from julien as well. he says like... do you ever play those sort of old-schoolvideo games where you have to like push the button a lot and get a power level up to acertain amount before you can do something? right? now, if the power level starts reallyhigh versus really low, the process is still the same which is just pushing that buttonas fast as you can; but it's a lot easier and there's a lot less time when the likedownload bar is kind of already there, when
it's like already very close. does that makesense? so in night game, the physical arousal level is already there; so you can get awaywith being much more physical; and you get a much better immediate return. whereas, inday game, it's much lower; so it's less necessary; and it's just going to take longer. okay?but that doesn't mean not to escalate. you're always escalating in every set. it's justyou're starting in a different place. so day game, you start a little lower. it's a longerescalation, in general, not always, in general. and night game, shorter escalation, startinghigher. okay? todd: okay. so let's look at a couple specificopeners. i'll do a straight-up like verbal opener, and then i'll do claw, and then i'lldo hand of god. all right? as sort of like
a no-compliance opener, a heavy complianceopener, and an in-between opener. okay? so just walking up and having normal conversation.so i'm just going to walk up, "hey, what's up? how are you doing?" audience: "not too bad." todd: "not too bad? cool. nice smile." audience: "thanks." todd: "oh, my goodness. you're trouble." okay.so right here. so what am i doing? i've walked up. i have decent eye contact, decent vibe.i actually probably wasn't as loud as i could have been, but it's a daytime environment,so i don't need to like make a huge deal out
of it. right? quick point on volume by theway. you want to be, first of all, loud enough to be heard and loud enough to get their attentionobviously; but you want to be a little louder than that; and the reason for that is if i'mquiet and soft and trying not to be heard, if i'm like that, it seems fucking creepy;and there's a reason why it seems creepy 'cause it seems like if i'm talking to him that quietly,i'm afraid of you guys hearing. if i'm afraid of you guys hearing, that can sort of subcommunicatethat what i'm doing is creepy or wrong or illegal in some way. does that make sense?'cause why does it have to be a secret if it's okay? right? but on the other hand, like"hey, what's up? how are you doing?," loud enough that you guys could hear, what that'sconveying sort of obliquely is i'm okay with
what i'm doing. i think what i'm doing isright and good; and so if i think that, she should, too. okay? so that'a quick word onvolume. you want to be a little louder than necessary because it conveys that you thinkwhatever is going on is normal and cool and acceptable. all right? so that's important.okay. but so i did this open, and it's like very noncommittal open. i actually showedsome intent right after the open which is good. right? i made it about him a littlebit, so that's positive. right? got in his/her head. but this is the set, from what i did,that would take a lot more work. i just basically barely got my foot in the door. i got a littlebit of back and forth interaction. i didn't get a lot going on. on the other hand... actually,just stand up for a second. here's the...
turn face. we'll blur you. okay. so the nextone you can do is the claw. this is the extreme physical compliance move. okay? so the clawbasically is "hey, you, fucking cute. who are you?" right? so i physically grab herand pull her over to me. all right? that's a lot more compliance. for a girl to say yesto that, for a girl to accept that, that's a lot more risky for her. it's a lot morepotentially slutty for her. okay? so it's asking a lot of compliance. now, a couplethings on the claw if you're ... stand up. stand up. stand up. i'll use you twice more.on the claw, first way you can mess up the claw is this. you'll be like, "hey, hey, hey,hey. come here. please come here." right? all right. if you're too soft on the claw,that's the same as what i just talked about
with being too quiet on the open. it's conveyingthat you think you're doing something wrong. you're so afraid of offending, you're so afraidof making her uncomfortable, that you're going to make her extremely uncomfortable. okay?key idea in game, anything you do to try and not be awkward will, by it's nature, be awkward.if you're thinking in your head that you don't want to be awkward, it's going to be fuckingawkward. if you're thinking in your head, "i'm just doing this 'cause i want to," "i'mdoing this 'cause it's fun," "i'm doing this 'cause i'm the man," then it will not comeoff as awkward; so the first way to creepy claw is to like lightly like... the next wayto creepy claw and this is the opposite is this. "you, come here." right? and you'relike leaving like marks on the arm. okay?
you don't want to do that either. all right?what you want to do is this combination of firm but light, firm but soft. okay? so it'slike this. firm, "hey, you, come here" and then notice my hand. this is very critical.right? look, he could go. take your hand away. it's okay. no, you can't go anywhere; buthe feels like he could go. you see that? "go away. go away. no. hey, hey. no. you're socute. come here." right? but at the same time, it's not creepy, jaws of life, grasping. doesthat make sense? it feels comfortable. it feels safe. it's just as controlled as ifyou did that, but it's without feeling bad and without feeling awkward or creepy. allright? 'cause you're not asking for that same amount of compliance to her like dealing withlike forceful grip on the wrist. okay? so
those are two ways to do the claw wrong. oneis to not commit. the other is to be so creepy once you get it. so what you want is thatsort of like assertiveness but also that softness, and that's a metaphor for all of game. okay?in game, you should be leading. you should be assertive, but you should also be delicateand soft, and it should feel like they're not being forced into anything. even if you'rebeing massively manipulative, even if you're like orchestrating events and telling ___53:27stories, it should feel like it's just happening. okay? okay. next one and this is the in-betweenmove is the hand of god. okay? "you, who are you?" okay? now, why is that different thanthe claw? what is the distinction between the claw and the hand of god?
audience: ___53:45 todd: yeah. it does, and it doesn't. right?so one one level, it requires less compliance 'cause it's less forceful and it's less slutty.on another level, it requires more compliance 'cause you're getting feedback and a positivefrom them. okay? remember the key premise of last minute resistance and of closing whichis that you want them to be participating. you're making that happen already when youdo hand of god. the claw, it's very aggressive; and a lot of girls will be very turned onby the fact that you're being aggressive; but they haven't committed to it. they haven'tmade that logical decision; so they don't have to rationalize or justify to themselvesthat, that happened. the other key distinction
between the hand of god and the claw, it hasto do not with the girl but with the social group, with how it looks to the social group.okay? to take the extreme example, imagine a girl with a bunch of guys. if you go inand you claw her like this, what are the guys likely to do? are the guys likely to liketake kindly to that? are they likely to be happy about that? yeah, not so much. right?they're likely to get kind of in your face. however, if, on the other hand, you do thisone, "hey, you," they might not like it but she's participating. right? so it's much harderfor them to object to you, much harder for them to have a problem or fight you. you cansit down now. thank you. and the same is true for a set of girls just to a lesser degree.right? so the fact that you have a little
bit of like feedback on it, you have her participating,it makes it better. it makes it easier. so number one, it's less compliance; but thecompliance you're getting is good compliance. right? so there are two kinds of compliance.there is the compliance of like they just didn't say no or they just like sort of saidno but went with it anyway, and then there's the compliance of them actually participating,and the second compliance is the one you really want. don't get me wrong. the first one isgood. the first one is much better than no compliance, but the second one where they'reparticipating is what you actually want. okay? so that's an example of three different openers,different levels of compliance. okay? the extreme noncompliant opener will be somethingalong the lines of the opinion opener; so
say that you see a girl walking very fast,on her phone. you don't think you'll be able to get any kind of compliance; and if you'relike, "hey, you're cute," you know she is going to be... she is probably like a hotgirl that gets hit on a lot, whatever. in that case, i will concoct something a littlefake in order to open only because i don't think they'll comply to anything less; soin that case, i'll be like, "hey, i need your opinion on something really fast" or "hey,i need you for one second. i have to go." right? or i'll say stuff like... i'll do falsetime constraint, "i have to go in a second but anyway." i'll give all these excuses andall these reasons why it's not as big of a deal; but then as soon as they stop and arefocused on me, i'll immediately shift. i'll
be like, "hey, you know what? actually, you'requite cute. hi, nice to meet you." again, going as direct as you can. right? at thestart, there was no compliance; so you couldn't go direct. once there is some compliance,once you're in a conversation, switch it to direct, make something happen. okay? so again,the concept is go as direct as you can but not more so. right? todd: also, if you ever catch yourself inan interaction that's going nowhere, you catch yourself in a situation where you're talkingabout the weather or she's talking about her shoe collection or some random bullshit gossip,understand that you can always open within a conversation as well as before the conversation.like a lot of guys when they learn pickup,
they get comfortable going, "hey, what's up?i wanted to talk to you" or "hey, what's up? i think you're cute"; but then they get inthe conversation; and all of a sudden, they feel like they have something to lose. theyfeel like because they're in a conversation that's going relatively well, they're like,"oh, i don't want to disturb this. i don't want to rock the boat. i'll just like crossmy fingers and hope this goes in a good direction." right? no. once you're in a conversation,you're in an even better place to open and get direct; so you're in that conversationthat's going nowhere. okay, whatever. just interrupt the girl or interrupt yourself.you'll be like, "hey, you know what? you're actually quite cute" or "hey, you know what?i can't decide about you. there's something
like very cute. i kind of want to crush onyou, and there's something just very off-putting. i don't know. i'm just a little weirded out."right? you can jump into that at any moment. there's no reason not to. conversation isnot linear. whenever you have a great conversation with your friends, this conversation whereyou stay up like all night talking and never getting any sleep, the next day, if someonesaid, "what did you talk about?," probably you couldn't give an exact specific answer'cause you talked about a lot of different topics and the conversation wasn't linear.okay? good conversation isn't linear. good conversation is not like a how-to manual.all right? it goes all over the place. feel willing to interrupt. right? interrupt thegirl. some guys are even willing to interrupt
the girl, but almost nobody ever interruptsthemselves. say you're telling a story, and the girl's attention is starting to driftin the middle of the story. how often do you continue the story anyway 'cause you've alreadycommitted? it happens a lot. as soon as you notice that you don't have the attention,you're talking, you're talking, "yeah, so i grew up in colorado and... hey, you knowwhat? we should go check this out. this is amazing." change the topic. "hey, you knowwhat? there's something about you that's just a little off. i think you're very cute but..."change the topic. right? anything. make sense? interrupt the girl. interrupt yourself. don'ttolerate an interaction that isn't going in the right way. don't be linear. i'll giveyou a few models for how to think about an
interaction. okay? todd: a lot of people ask me like "what areyou thinking during a set?" and "what are you thinking during an interaction?" hereare the models i use, and they're not exclusive. right? they fit nicely together; and sometimes,you'll get different indicators on different models in which case you have to actuallyuse your intellect, use your judgment, and do the best you can. okay? but here are somemodels. first model is value versus comfort. there is this theory that in order to sleepwith a girl, you need value plus comfort. make sense? value means you have good genetics.you like have enough success that you can support a child, support a girl, that sortof thing. sure, it makes sense. right? you
have enough like people that respond to youor react to you in life that you have a good social network that would make sense in atribal sort of area in terms of passing your genes along, so that's value. value is you'rea badass. comfort is she can participate in your badassness. right? if you're a totalbadass but you have no care for her and you just like slap her away or just fuck her andleave, that's also not as useful to her in a tribal setting. okay? so it's a combination,value plus comfort. at any moment in the interaction, the girl needs either more value or more comfortfrom you. right? if she had the exact perfect ratio, your penis would be inside of her.all right? if it's in actually perfect ratio and amounts. right? so what you need are both.in order to sleep with a girl, you need a
certain amount of value, a certain amountof comfort, and you need a proper ratio. if you have those three things, you can havesex with her. if you don't have those three things, you have some work to do. right? interestingthing is that as long as the ratio is kind of maintained, she'll allow you time to buildup the levels; but if the ratio gets too out of whack, the interaction is over. okay. soif you're all value and no comfort, she will not trust you. she'll be very stimulated byyou. she'll be giggling with you, giggling at everything you say. she might even be makingout with you. she might even be like escalating on you; and then the next minute, she's like,"that was fun. bye." do you guys ever get that in a club? girl makes out with you, seemstotally on; and then the second there's any
remote pause, she is just gone. why is that?all value, no comfort. massively stimulated, emotions running through her body, but shedoesn't trust you. she also hasn't associated that stimulus with you. she is just associatingit with fun night. okay? so that's too much value and not enough comfort. too much comfortand not enough value looks like... you are talking with a girl for a while. you get toknow all her like deep-seated secrets; and then you try and make a move; and she's like,"no, no, no, no, no. i just don't see you that way. no, no, no. you're like my brother."right? that's too much comfort and not enough value. okay? does that make sense? or toomuch comfort and not enough value is where the girl will continue the interaction withyou; but she will only continue it by asking
you for things over and over and over again;and as long you start buying her things or providing for her, then she'll continue theinteraction. that's also too much comfort and not enought value. i hope i said thatthe right way the first time; but yeah, that'd be too much comfort and not enough value.make sense? so you can go wrong with either ratio. as long as the ratio is roughly correct,you have time to then build both up. okay? so that's value/comfort. that's one modelfor how to look at an interaction. todd: next model, social capital. social capitalbasically is the idea that at any given point in the interaction, there are certain thingsyou can get away with and certain things you can't. so say that you've met someone forfive minutes; and in that first five minutes,
they do something that really pisses you off.that interaction is probably done. however, say that you've known someone for six monthsand been great friends with them for six months; and they do something that pisses you off.that's probably just going to be a little fight. you'll talk it out the next day. you'llget over it, and you'll move on. okay? so the same action, the same situation, is differentwith different people because you have different levels of investment. okay? typically, themore that you know someone, the longer you've known someone, the more social capital theyhave. the more that you have shared experiences, the more social capital they have; and here'san interesting one. the more things that you've complied to with that person, the more socialcapital they have. does that make sense? okay?
that last one is absolutely huge because itexplains how to use social capital as well as what it is. okay. so let's say that you'retalking to a girl, and it's going pretty well, so you decide to escalate. you decided togo for a light escalation. you reach out and try and take her hand, and let's say thatshe rejects your advance. okay. so what's happened there in terms of social capital?you basically looked at the situation and said, "i think i have enough social capitalto try this move. i think there's a decent chance this will work"; and she said, "no,no, no, no, no. no, you don't have that much social capital"; and on top of that, in havingtried to escalate, you tried to spend some social capital. right? and when you do that,you decrease it. okay? there's like a penalty
for trying. right? you tried to spend somesocial capital. you got rejected. okay. now, your social capital is even lower; so beforeyou want to try again, you want to take some time, build some more social capital up beforeyou would try something like that again. on the other hand, if you go for that move andshe complies and, you know, she starts holding hands with you, now she's made a big commitmentto you. now, your social capital goes way, way, way up. okay? so what you want to doin escalation is you want to be escalating 'cause escalating is about the fastest wayto build social capital if it's received well. however, it's a good way to destroy socialcapital if it's received poorly. so it's absolutely essential that you escalate. you're not goingto get the set to go well, you're not going
to get the set to move forward, without pushingand without escalating; but you have to be smart about it 'cause if you're dumb aboutit, you also burn the set to the ground; so that's the idea with social capital; and that'sthe same with physical escalation, verbal escalation, logistical escalation. todd: actually, this is another topic. realfast. i'll throw this out. there are basically four types of escalation in a set. okay? physicalescalation, basically getting more physical and getting closer to sex. verbal escalationwhich is saying things that are risque or sexual or that show a lot of intent or showa lot of man to woman verbally. right? the difference between talking about the weatherto talking about how you'd like fuck her behind
a dumpster, that's a verbal escalation. okay?jeff is great with this. he has this whole stack where he starts with like "you seemquite fashionable. are you a fashion person?" which is almost no intent whatsoever, andthen it ends all the way up to like "i'd like to finger you with my penis." right? so hegoes the whole range, and it's a gradual escalation. okay. so that's verbal escalation. next oneis logistical escalation, getting closer to a place where sex can happen. you start outsay in a club, talking in a crowded area. then you take her over to against the barwhere it's less crowded. then maybe you go sit down with her where you're more closelytogether. then you take her outside of the club; and then you take her to a place whereseduction can happen, where, you know, things
could go down between the two of you. allright? so that's logistical escalation. and the last one is topical escalation, changingthe conversation topic, not necessarily conveying direct interest in her but changing the topicto a more sexual topic and changing the nature of the conversation from "i and you" to "we"so instead of there's you and me as separate entities to this idea of you and me together.that's topical escalation. al right? so at any point in the interaction, you can be escalatingon any of these four levels. all right? and you don't necessarily need to be escalatingall the time on one of them. it's okay if the physical escalation stays stagnant foreven a long time as long as you're escalating on the other levels. it's okay if you're talkingabout "i and you" for a long time, but you're
getting very physical. right? as long as there'ssome escalation on one of these topics, you're probably in pretty good shape. now, the onecaution is you don't want to escalate one topic so much more than the others that itgets weird 'cause that goes back to like the value/comfort thing. so that's a lot on escalation,a lot on social capital, and a lot on how that works; so that's the second model thati'm considering at any time in the interaction. and then the last model i consider... andthis isn't really a model, but it's sort of a check that i do 'cause these are the thingsi think about in set. at any time in the set, i'm thinking like "does the girl need morevalue or more comfort?"; and that's going to dictate my actions. second thing i'm thinkingis "where am i at with social capitalizing?
do i have a lot of social capital? shouldi be spending it and trying to escalate or am i in kind of like icy water and i needto like really like offer some value and not ask for a lot?" all right? if that's the case,then i won't spend it. and the last model i have for myself is "to what extent am iacting through my own purpose?" okay? now, this one is a little more nebulous; but whatyou should ask yourself is "are you saying the things you want to say or the things youthink she wants to hear?" 'cause as soon as you're micromanaging and trying to think aheadto what she wants to hear, you're not going to be as charismatic, you're not going tobe as smooth, and a lot of your little physical mannerisms are going to start to get worse.
todd: so quick little sort of story. whenwe first started teaching pickup, we had this list. it was something tyler posted like yearsand years ago. it's called the 25 point, the 25 things that he most commonly saw peopledo wrong that would blow them out with girls; and it was things like not taking up any spacewhen they talk. right? seeming nervous or like talking in a low tone of voice or constantlylike leaning into the girl at everything she says, things like that. and the interestingthing was when he'd see guys doing these things, there was a huge direct correlation to whenthey did these things, the girls didn't like them and they didn't get the girls; so hemade this list, 25 things that you should not do when talking to girls; and when weused to teach boot camp, we'd start teaching
that 25 points. we say, "these are the 25things not to do. just don't do any of these things and you're good." the problem was whenyou give guys a list of 25 things not to do, they start thinking about them and micromanagingthem and trying not to do them; and they will do them, every single one of them, more thanyou've ever seen because the core reason why they were doing the 25 things was becauseof insecurity or nervousness. right? making them think about their body language and theirtone of voice and all that kind of stuff, what did it do? it made them nervous and insecure;so then we flipped it around; and we said, "okay. forget it. we're not teaching thatanymore"; and instead, we taught "have the right attitude. be the man. offer value,"that kind of stuff and come from a non-needy
frame and different ways to do it; and funnyenough, we weren't even thinking about the 25 points anymore; but once people starteddoing it, they stop doing all those 25-point things wrong 'cause they got the right intention.right? so acting through your own intention is equivalent to getting the attitude rightto avoid the 25 points. okay? so whenever i notice myself trying to think "what doesshe want to hear?," i will cut it off and i will change the topic to something elsethat's irrelevant to that or even that's the opposite of that. okay? or as soon as i findmyself... this happens a lot for me 'cause i've been in pickup for 14 years. as soonas i find myself saying some pickup line or routine that i've said a million times beforeand halfway through it i'm getting bored,
as soon as i'm getting bored, even if technicallyi should finish the routine, the right thing for me to do is to cut it off and say somethingi'm engaged in at that moment because even though the technical game is less good thatway, i will be coming through in a more congruent way. i'll be coming through in a more confidentway and a way that's in alignment with alex's idea of "you are enough"; and that's moreimportant than whatever you're saying. right? where it's coming from is always the moreimportant thing. okay? so those are some of the models that i always look at when i'min game; and basically, anytime i lose a set... i mean there are the extreme sets. there isthe like her boyfriend comes out of nowhere and you had no idea kind of sets; but anytimeyou lose a set due to the girl's emotions
dwindling or that sort of thing, basically,you can probably chalk it up to one of those three. you either messed up on value/comfort,messed up on social capital, or you're not expressing through your own intention. right?and part of expressing through your own intention, you can add a fourth model if you're fairlynewbie which is "are you being man to woman? are you escalating?" right? for me, i don'tthink about that 'cause escalation is a very foregone conclusion; and for me, if i'm actingthrough my own intention, i'm going to escalate naturally; but if you need a fourth model,if you're fairly new and you have escalation issues, add that one, too, which is "am iescalating? am i being man to woman? am i escalating?" right? if you do those four thingsproperly, it's pretty hard to fuck up a set.
that said, it's not easy to do all four ofthose things properly which is why we're all here. right? but those are good models; andby having those models, when you have good sets, now you can look at them and know whatwent well and how to repeat it; and when you have bad sets, you can look at it and knowwhat to correct. okay? so those are the four models you can look at. okay. any quick questionson the opening phase? yeah? audience: do you ever actually ___1:12:04the numbers? todd: yes, kind of. i don't use full opinionopeners anymore, but i will use "hey, i need your opinion on something" to get the girlto stop, and then i'll transition into what i actually want to say.
audience: okay. todd: i did use opinion openers for years;and i still remember some; but if i wanted to use one, it would come off so clunky rightnow 'cause it's been long that i probably wouldn't do it; but i do use the phrase "hey,i need your opinion on something" or "hey, i need you for a second" as just a reasonto give them an excuse to stop and a premise for the conversation. audience: right. todd: so i'll use that extent of it, but idon't use the full opener anymore. yeah? audience: so when you're in really loud clubslike hakkasan or, you know, light, how does
your opening ___1:12:42 in the club? todd: so a few things will happen. the urgencywill increase, and the volume will increase. like i'll talk louder, and i'll be more urgentin what i'm doing. i will have the idea in my head of going extremely direct, if possible.because your opening percentage is going to be lower there in general because of the environment,your opening percentage is going to be less dictated by what you're bringing to it andmore dictated by the environment; so if you look at again this big like... this is allthe girls, and these are the girls you're going to open. the amount you're going toopen is already very small; so if you choose an opener that's encompassing all of this,you're still not getting all of this. you're
still just getting that one limited amount.does that make sense? so you want to calibrate your opener so that your opener is also targetedto that same limited amount that the environment is giving you. does that make sense? audience: do you go more physical? todd: i would go more physical and more direct,and i would also be very persistent. todd: here's a very key thing on the opener.i'm glad you brought that up. it's unrelated, kind of; but it's very important. persistenceon the opener is absolutely huge especially with the hottest girls and the toughest environments. todd: hey.
women #3: oh, my god. oh, my god. todd: woah, woah, woah, woah. okay. that wasa little... hey, hold up, hold up, hold up, hold up, hold up, hold up, hold up, hold up.that was a little extreme. hi. hi there. hi. i'm sorry. i'm todd. nice to meet you. women #3: oh, my god. todd: and you are? women #3: okay. we'll give you our number. todd: okay. well, what's your... we'll dothat. women #3: what's your name?
todd: todd. women #3. nice to meet you, todd. 8-6-0... todd: okay? most of the time with the hottestgirls when i open them, i probably don't get a great open off the first word i say; buton being persistent and doing a secondary opener, i will get a good reaction. in fact,a lot of hot girls that i end up like sleeping with blow me off initially on the open. oneof the hottest girls i've ever slept with, one from the story of the girls that i sleptwith without kissing them, she was like 5'11 in flats; and i'm like 5'7-ish; so i walkedup; and literally, the first words out of her mouth to me is "you're too short. that'sa deal-breaker for me. sorry." like literally,
that's the first words out of her mouth. right?and i still ended up sleeping with her, but why is that? it's because on that first littlebit, i didn't just take it and go, "okay, sorry," tail between my legs, "goodbye." ipushed through, and i knew that it was bullshit. i know that, that's some bullshit societalconstruct; and i just pushed through it. right? and i did a misinterpretation. i basicallysaid like, "oh, i'm too short for what? that's so sweet, but i just wanted to talk. i don'twant to get physical with you like get sexual yet. you're so silly..." and just kept talking.right? something along those lines. and i just kept going. but here's the metaphor forthat, that i really like. have any of you guys... if you guys are ever in like new yorkor l.a., this will happen a bit, sometimes
miami. there are sort of different tiers ofclubs, different levels of clubs. there's the club that like everybody can get into.there's the club that like is super retardedly exclusive and you need to be on list evenif you're somebody. like they'll turn away celebrity sometimes even if you're not onthe list. there's that level of club; and then there's like that in the middle clubwhere they're trying to be exclusive but not really that exclusive. now, what i'm goingto talk to you about is that second, that last type of club, the like exclusive-ishbut not totally exclusive club. so they do this a lot in like new york or l.a. they'llhave a club. they'll have like little velvet rope; and they'll have a bouncer outside;and if you're a group of guys and you walk
up, they'll be like, "are you on the guestlist?"; and most guys, they go, "oh, no"; and they walk away; and they just turn andlike saunter off into the night feeling they're unworthy of the club. all right? when i goup to that club, i walk up; and they go, "are you on the guest list?" i go, "nope. justme." i just look them in the eye like i deserve to be there; and most of the time... i meanif it's not the like super high-end club that celebrities don't get into or you have tobe on the guest list. those, i get turned away, too; but if it's the like intermediateclubs, most of the time, they actually just let me straight in. why? it's because i seemlike i deserve to be there. i have a theory that like the whole guest list thing eitherdoesn't exist or like barely exists, exists
for like some special like you can sit atthis place or whatever; but like it really doesn't even exist; but the club owner isjust smart; and he realizes the best way to keep the wrong kind of guys out of a club,that you don't want in a club, is to do exactly that and just put up one little tiny barrierof resistance; and anybody who doesn't feel worthy to step through that one barrier, theydon't deserve to be in that club. fuck them. they're not the people you want. same thingwith a girl. if you go say hi to a girl and she was "eh" and you're like, "oh, i'm sorry.i'm unworthy. i tried..." right? good. she just screened you. that's the most efficientscreen a girl could possibly have; but the guy who like believes in himself, me... right?i tap them. they turn away. i'm like, "no,
no, no. hey, hey, hey. yeah, i know. i knowi seem unattainable, but i'm actually just being sweet. hi. nice to meet you. i'm todd.hi." right? a lot of times, they're like, "oh, hi. so sorry. yeah. hi. nice to meetyou. you're very cute." right? and it immediately turns around. why? because i showed an honestsignal that i'm entitled. right? honest signal is i push through resistance and went anyway.now, if you do this like six times, "i'll fuck you. i'm going to get the bouncer. i'mgoing to kill you," then that's a little bit much. then that's a little socio, but liketo go like that second time is very important. okay? it's very important to show enough entitlementand say, "no, no, no. hey, i know what you're doing. i understand; but no, i'm me, todd.nice to meet you." right? that's very critical.
okay? to have that persistence. that's anotherpoint on the open. todd: one of the first resources i've everfound on game was a book on conversation. it was called making people talk by barryfarber. it's actually a really good book. it's out of print, i believe; but it's a verygood book; and basically, the premise of that book was he's like a radio host or radio interviewerback in the day when radio was the big medium; and he'd get people on his show; and he hasto make them talk. he has to not only like... people, you know, they seem very articulate.they seem like they have a lot to say. they get on the show, and they get nervous. theyclam up. they don't want to talk. they don't know what to say; and he's stuck on the airwith them for half an hour; and he'd better
make them talk; and he'd better make it interesting'cause otherwise, he is out of a job. right? so he talked aobut the techniques he learnedin doing that over the course of many, many years; and one of the big things he said forstarting a conversation is... one of his rules was assume the burden of the conversation.right? assume that, at least at the start, it's on your shoulders to make something happen.it's on your shoulders to put something out there 'cause they probably won't; and evenif they're capable of it, you can't trust that they're capable of it; so you have tolike... for the first little bit, you have to kind of start the engine. once the engineis going, you can, you know, let it run; but you have to start the engine. the metaphorfor that is if any of you guys ever had like
those old lawn mowers, actually probably notthat old, where they have like the choke and like you pull the choke and it kind of like"bu bu bu bu bu" and then dies and then you pull the choke again "bu bu bu bu bu" andit dies and then eventually on like the third one or the fourth one for no apparent reasonlike it's warm enough now or something and it works. right? it can be like that a lotof times with a conversation, and it's not like you should take it personally. like ifyou pull a lawn mover and it doesn't work, you're like, "you fucking lawn mower. whydo you hate me? what is this? fucking, you cunt." right? it's not like that. it's justthe lawn mower is being a lawn mower. right? and sometimes, you got to pull it a coupletimes so same thing with a girl. right? sometimes,
you got to start the conversation a coupletimes before it really kicks in. right? so you keep throwing different stuff againstthe wall and trying to see what works. when you are persistent, this is another point,you want to try and be persistent in different ways. don't try the same approach over andover and over again when you get a rejection on it. so you're like, "hey, i think you'recute." okay. she doesn't respond well to that. okay. "hey, you know what's funny? i haveto go in a second, but i need your opinion on something." okay. maybe she'll respondto that. "but you know what? the funniest thing happened to me the other day." "i fuckinghate you." "oh, my god. that's the cutest look i've ever seen. do you know what's interestingabout you?" right? all these different things,
all these different types of opens that youcan cycle through, if you're getting a rejection on one, you don't keep hitting up the sameone. you don't go, "you're cute. no, no, no. but you're adorable. but i love you." right?if that structure is not working, drop the structure and try a different one. you'llbe like, "hey, i need your opinion. no, no, no. i need to ask you something. no, no, no.my friends and i, we wanted... no. don't do that." you just keep cycling through, andyou try and find the particular blueprint for the particular girl you're going after.right? and the great thing is once you figure out that blueprint, then you can keep usingit over and over and over again; and you kind of like are inside her head. all right? sothat's what we're going to find. you want
to find the system or the blueprint of thingsthat work on that particular girl. yeah? audience: okay. so say you open with "you'recute" and you get ___1:21:29 "i hate you" ___1:21:31 like how would you go from there?would you like go down that line or just like start asking questions at her? todd: okay. so if i got that, if i got the"i hate you" and it works, i wouldn't like keep hammering on that button so much. youcould maybe hit it one more time if you think it would like spike it up one more time, andthen i would go into a more normal conversation. i'd be like, "yeah. see? i know you. i understandyou're that type of girl." right? which isn't quite "i hate you." it's a different littlevibe off of it, but it's using the "i hate
you," and then i would catalog in the backof my head. i'd call her like a polar responder. right? she responds to a negative pull; soif you ever lose her attention, negative pull could work. you don't want to overuse it though.you don't want to become so obvious that you're just obviously pushing that button. you don'twant to make a whole interaction out of insulting her. you just want to spice it in at timesthroughout the interaction; and ideally, the real like holy grail is like if you can gettwo or three of them. if you have two or three different things, then you can do them; andyou can do them a lot. you can keep hitting the button; and it's not predictable becauseyou have a few different buttons; so that's like the ideal one; but yeah, so i would keepthat. i would use it, try and hit hard off
of it, and use the sort of foot in the doorthat you got to leverage into a normal conversation; but then i'd catalog in the back of my headthat girl responds to that; so if i ever need it, that's how you would act. that's how youwould deal with that girl. i had one girl in particular. basically, this girl said onesentence; and from that one sentence, i was able to pretty much like dissect her lifeand know exactly how to game her; and that sentence was a very innocuous sentence; butshe said, "no, i'm actually average height for an american woman." right? and you wouldn'tthink that, that's like a sentence that tells you so much about like a girl; but like tome, because i've like dealt with so many girls, i looked at that sentence and i completelyunderstood this girl from that sentence; and
from there, everything i did, i could baseon that like know exactly how to game her. right? so what does that sentence say? todissect it. right? average height for an american woman. "oh, no, actually, i'm average heightfor an american woman." okay. so she is somewhat educated 'cause she didn't say "no, i'm average"or "no, i'm normal height," something like that. she is from an educated background.she probably studied some level of math and statistics in her life, we would guess. sheis deriving value from fitting in and value from other people's perception of her. okay?does that make sense? to say "no, i'm average height" as a qualifier of herself. right?so it means that she derives value from being part of a group; and by obliquely saying that,she's saying when i have been part of a group,
i have been in a good situation. i have beensomeone high-value within the group 'cause that's why i identify with the group. makesense? so now, we're looking at someone who likes to fit in, is pretty educated, probablydid well in school, probably is relatively smart, probably went to good schools, butprobably is not like actually like genius level, but works very hard. that's my likeassessment on all of that. right? and also derives a lot of her validation from beingperceived of as smart. right? now that you know all this, you have a lot to work with;and so by having all that information, i was able to basically sort of like subtly helpand undermine at the same time and have a great interaction with her where it was veryemotionally relevant; and actually, my first
response to that was to completely flip iton its head. i said, "actually, no, if you're average in any way, we're not going to getalong. i only deal with exceptional people." right? i just completely like ruined her worldview. she's like, "what the fuck?" right? so i basically like undid her world view inone sentence and like put her on her heels, and then i was able to control the interactionfrom there. does that make sense? so that's one example. it's sort of an esoteric exampleof taking one sentence and understanding a girl very completely from it, but it's a loteasier to take something like how she responds to "i love you" or "i hate you" or how sheresponds to physical touch and understand that. another one, i had an 11-minute pullto one of the cabanas here in surrender and
how i knew i could do that one so fast wasbecause of the way she responded to physicality. right? she responded to physicality in a certainway; and so once i saw that response, i didn't have to talk to her very much. i had almostthe entire conversation, the entire interaction, on an extremely physical level from her andjust took the communication there; and because it was that kind of interaction, it was ableto escalate very quickly; and i ended up having sex with her in 11 minutes in the club. right?so again, you find the blueprint; and you act on that blueprint. it would be silly onceyou find the girl is very responsive to that physical touch to start trying to discusslike philosophy with her. it's just silly. you can do that after sex if you want to,but play to what you're given. okay? so that's
a little bit on blueprint as well. all right.yeah? one more question. audience: when you actually open the group___1:26:14 todd: i heard opening the group and opening,you know; but how did that question start? audience: i'm just curious. when you see abunch of girls, does it make sense to open all of them at once or...? todd: that's a good question. actually, it'ssomething i should have addressed. it depends. it completely depends. a big part of thatis the size of the group, and a big part of that is how engaged the group is with eachother. okay? so if it's a group of like two, three, or four and they seem pretty engaged,you probably need to open the whole group.
does that make sense? because that's again...you can take the metaphor. that's a low-compliance situation. right? they're not likely to giveyou a lot of compliance. okay? so if you go in and just open the one and try and pullher out, the girls will be like, "what the fuck? we're talking to her"; and they're goingto be resistant; so you avoid that resistance by talking to the whole group. if it's a biggergroup like a group of 10 and she seems kind of like sort of off to the side, her bodylanguage isn't turned towards the group, that sort of thing, in that case, then it's muchmore likely you can get compliance by going directly on her; and you should go directlyon her because by doing that, you can go more direct; so that's the principle of go as directas you can. okay? however, if you do go direct
on the girl, you should be very aware of whatis going on around you; so if you grab the one girl, then you want to be aware of wherethe group is so that as soon as there is any kind of resistance, before they come to youand resist you, you're going to them; but as soon as you get the vibe that she likesyou, then there are two priorities. right? the girl is the group, and the group is thegirl. okay. on one level, you need the girl to be into you to go somewhere with you. onthe other level, you need the group to permit it. even if the girl really likes you andactually even especially if the girl really likes you, the group might get resistant.as soon as you know she's really on, the next thing you should be thinking isn't "how doi make her more on?" 'cause she's on enough.
you should be thinking "how do i make surethat i don't get in trouble for what i'm about to do?" the other one is if they give yousome sort of indicator before you open. right? if they look at you in a particular way orlike engage with you from a distance before you open, that's a good indicator that there'sgoing to be more compliance there; so then you can open directly; but then you'd wantto, again, engage the group quickly to disarm whatever might happen. right? the other thingthat you should consider, too, is you don't have to like... this is interesting logistically.you don't have to turn yourself into the group so that your back is to the group and sheis outside the group. you can get isolation just as easily by turning her and being outsidethe group as well.
audience: ___1:28:32 todd: i wouldn't grab or pull. i would sortof subtly nudge and let my body language dictate; so instead of...___1:28:43 you want to standup one more time? okay. so say that we're like this. okay? biggest girl ever. okay.so say that we're like this, and i'd like him to turn. right? now, i could try and belike this; but that's a little overt; and it's a little try-hard. it's sort of likeclunky. right? you could do it; and he actually turned very nicely and easily, thankfully;but... audience: grabbing them by the shoulders. todd: right. and that's also.. still, it'svery like overt. right? instead, what i would
probably do is... so i'm here. i would justbe like, "hey." right? audience: oh, yeah. todd: how much easier is that? just a littletap and a nudge and just indicate with your body what you're saying. right? much moresubtle and much less invasive. right? and then if she doesn't do that, if she doesn'tcomply... right? if you do this and she doesn't comply, it's fucking awkward. right? but ifyou go like this and she doesn't comply, you're just talking. it's no big deal. right? sothat's another key component with physicality. i actually will make that my next topic. anotherkey component with physicality, you want to escalate in such a way that you have freerein to escalate but not in such a way that
the no sucks. right? again, key componentto all of this, we're trying to avoid as many hard nos as possible. okay? so you have toescalate. you must escalate. any of you who are not escalating enough, fucking start escalating;but you want to escalate in such a way that you don't get a lot of nos. okay? so again,hand of god versus claw. the other one that i'll do is, for example, i'll walk up to agirl; and say that like i'm saying hi to her; and i could shake her hand; or i could justtalk; or i could try and hug her. right? a lot of guys will either just stay and talk'cause it's like safer, or they'll just shake the hand 'cause it's safe, or what they'lldo is they'll go for the hug very overtly, and that's like the opposite spectrum. whati do is i'm talking to them like "hey, what's
up?"; and i'll put my hand out like this justas a gesture; but it's sort of like inviting her in; and i'll kind of turn my body as thoughto hug her; and then if she comes into the hug, i hug her. if she doesn't come into thehug, i just drop it and go to talking. does that make sense? so i essentially made thesame effort to hug her as the guy who like gropes her; and i gave myself the same chancesof the hug working; but when it doesn't work, she doesn't know it didn't work. she is notaware that i made an attempt, and there was no hard no, so it's a no-risk plan. todd: hi. hi, red hair. who are you? woman #4: hi.
todd: my name is todd. you're adorable. todd: make sense? so i'm doing all these no-riskescalations. another one is if i want to hold her hands or whatever. i'll just sort of liketap the bottom of her hands real lightly as i'm talking, just tap, tap. it's like shealmost doesn't even know what happened; but she knows subsconsciously; and most of thetime, she'll just take my hands; and now, we're holding hands. i can do like handclasp,different things like that; but if she doesn't, we're still talking. there are still otherthings going on. i just understand that, that was a no for now; but it wasn't a big dealmade out of it. okay? so that's what i'm constantly doing is i'm constantly escalating. constantly.if you guys ever see me in... well, you're
going to see me in set; but when you see mein set, i'm escalating much of the time; but i'm escalating in such ways that if it's rejected,it's not a big deal. todd: all right. so let's talk about the hook.basically, the hook has always been kind of an interesting phase in game. a lot of guysare like, you know, "i can't get the set to hook" or "sometimes, it hooks; sometimes,it doesn't." it's always like very nebulous. it's like, you know, "sometimes, it's on;sometimes, it's not. i can't really figure it out. i know that when i'm more self-amusing,it hooks. the more i'm having fun and not asking for something from her, that helpsit hook" - that tends to be a correlation a lot of people have - or "i know when i"min state, it hooks more." okay. fair enough.
but those aren't really things that are thateasily controlled. right? it's hard to control like "okay. i need to hook the set, so i betterget into state right now. let me get into state right now." it doesn't work like that.you can't control that. you can't overtly do something about that, or you can't controllike... if the initial reaction's good, you hook; and if the initial reaction's bad, youdon't hook. well, that initial reaction, there is only so much you can do about it. right?so ideally, sets will hook without you having to think about them. that's perfect. perfectis when you open and they just like instantly hook for you or you just start self-amusingand the girl starts committing and starts chasing you. that's great when it happens.however, most of the time, especially with
hot girls, especially with difficult sets,that's not going to happen; and so with that said, i've been thinking about it for a reallylong time; and i finally have come up with a structure for exactly how the hook occurs;and the way this happened was i had a student who... he was one of the students at immersion,and he brought some different video to me. like we'd film them; and he brought theselike different situations where he's trying to open a girl; and he wasn't getting thehook in any of the situations; and he was like, "i can't get the hook. can you explainto me why?"; and so the first situation, i was like, "okay. so here, you're trying fortoo much compilance; and that's why you didn't get it. okay. then maybe that's your problem."then the next time, i'm like, "well, okay.
so here, you're actually not escalating atall. you're not asking for any compliance, so that's a complete contradiction to whati just taught you, but i'm seeing it, and i know the reason why you didn't get the hookhere is because you're not trying for compliance here." right? and then the next one, he'swatching; and i'm like, "yeah. so here, you're just talking about... i mean you're tryingto escalate and everything like sort of physically and whatnot, but you're just talking aboutlike random topics. it's not about you and her on any level. it's just this like nebulousconversation." right? and so we have three different sets that didn't hook; and they'refor three completely different reasons that totally contradict each other; and so i'msitting here trying to explain to him like,
"well, see, in this one, you did this. inthis one, you did... and so the principle is... fuck." right? and so i really sat therefor a minute and tried to like break it down. i was like, "well, okay. what's really happeninghere is that in this one, you got to a certain place in the hook and then it failed. in thisone, you got to a certain place in the hook and then it failed, in this one, you got toa different place and then it failed"; and so what i realized is the hook isn't likea distinct one thing that happens. there are sort of phases to the hook; and when you understandthat, you can understand how all these different sorts of failures are all failure to hookat the same time and how they all contribute. okay? and so we're going to break that downfor you.
todd: i came up with a model for hooking,the f.r.e.d. model for hooking. basically, here's how it works. first step, focus. youmust have her focus in order to hook. if you don't have her attention, you will not gether hooked. okay? focus. next one, relevance. okay? you must make it relevant to her. ifyou're talking about nebulous topics, you are not going to hook her into that idea.you're not going to hook her into a conversation that means nothing to her. you must make itmeaningful to her. okay? next, emotion. it must not just be theoretically meaningfulto her. there must be some emotional involvement or emotional impact. she has to have commitment.she has to have some chemicals running through her body. okay? then lastly is decision. focus,relevance, emotion, decision. f.r.e.d. okay?
we think about putting like during hot seatsomeone like old fat guy on stage and being like "this is fred. this works even for him";but anyway, so that's the f.r.e.d. method. okay? focus, relevance, emotion, decision.focus basically means when you open, you need to get her attention. you need her attentionon you; and if you have lost her attention, rather than trying other things to get thehook, the first thing to do is get her attention back. fundamental to everything you do ingame, you must have her attention. if you don't have her attention, you are not gamingher. you are not doing well; and i'm going to show you guys an amog set later on whereyou'll see this extraordinarily clearly where the girl likes another guy way more than shelikes me; but i take her attention; and i
put him in a situation where he has to dosomething awkward if he's going to get it back; and just by having attention, even thoughshe doesn't like me yet, she likes him, i have the upper hand all of a sudden becauseof that simple thing of attention. all right? attention is paramount. open strong. openhard. make sure you have the attention. secondly, if you lose the attention, don't toleratebeing in a conversation where she's all over the place, not paying attention to you. okay?now, this doesn't mean be completely anal-retentive about it either. okay. if you're talking witha girl for a long time, she likes you; and then she's over at the bar; and she wantsto go grab a quick drink with her friend. like you're sitting by the bar. she wantsto turn and order a drink, and she's talking
to her friend. you can let her talk to thefriend while ordering the drink and trust that she'll come back to you in a minute.right? 'cause there's a specific process. there's a start and an end to that task; andwhen the task is over, then at that point, you can be like, "hey" and grab her attentionback, grab her focus back. does that make sense? you don't have to have her focus everysingle moment, but what you do have to do is you have to have an idea of where her focusis at and how you're going to get it back and when you're going to get it back. doesthat make sense? if you don't have her focus, you're not gaming at that moment. focus isparamount. okay. next, relevance. what is relevant? what is relevant to someone? anything?what things are relevant? what things do you
care about in your life? audience: yourself? todd: yourself, yes. that's a very good example.here's what you care about. here's what gets a reaction from you, and here's what you focuson actually, but here's what gets a reaction from you. you get a reaction or you give areaction to things that you perceive of as value or threat. if you perceive somethingas having value, you will pay attention to it. it's relevant to you. if you perceiveit as a threat, it's relevant to you. this goes back to the jungles. right? if we seefood, that's value. that's what makes us survive. if we see a resource that we can turn intotools, that's value. it's relevant to us.
it has meaning to us. all right? if we seea predator, that's a threat. that has meaning to us; or if we see some guy is like gettingangry, is probably going to fight us, that's a threat. that's relevant to us. okay? thoseare relevant. things that are of value or a threat are relevant; and so why are ourselvesrelevant, information about ourselves? because information about ourselves is, by its nature,usually either of value or a threat. if we're going to understand how the world perceivesus, we can utilize that information to either have more success or to avoid failure. right?so that's what we're looking for. you want to become value or threat, so how can youdo this? well, a couple different ways. you can become valuable to someone by having somesort of insight about them. that's one very
good shortcut. right? "you know what i noticedabout you that's so interesting?" boom. all of a sudden, you have value. right? 'causethey want to know. even if they don't like you, even if they don't know you yet, thefact that you are making it about them, there's some value there. okay? you want an exampleof threat? "dog. slut." that's a threat. "i hate you." that's a threat. make sense? that'sa threat to their ego. that's a threat to their self-esteem. that's a threat to theirsocial perception. right? that's another way to get their attention. that's another wayto get them more invested in the interaction is by making a threat, so what you want todo once you have their attention is very early on do something that's either of value orthreat. okay? value doesn't necessarily always
have to be about them. if you have somethinginteresting to teach them in general, for example if you were an expert on a particularsubject and they had some interest in that subject, that can be interesting, too. a lotof guys do very well by becoming the teacher role. right? becoming the teacher role of"i can teach you something about humanity. i can teach you something about business.i can teach you something about making money. i can teach you something about whatever.i can teach you how to play the guitar or whatever." if you have some other form ofvalue, that's fine, too. it doesn't necessarily have to be about them; but because you don'tknow the person you're dealing with well on a cold approach, usually, a good shortcutis to think that about them is a likely scenario.
okay? so you want to do that. make it whatwe call ad hominem. make it about them, whether of threat or of value. make sense? so that'sthe next stage, and that's where you get into things like... a lot of my interactions willbe either like an immediate push/pull statement like "i like you, but i hate you" or "thereis something about you i like. there is something about you i'm not sure" or "your vibe is veryinteresting," something like that. it's something that's a little bit of a cold read, somethingthat's about them, something that makes it relevant to them. right? it also gives contextand reason for the interaction, so it's not this nebulous interaction. they have someidea of the premise for it, and premise will keep you ___1:41:05 as well. yeah?
audience: i've been using that a lot ___1:41:08.it works well, but i get stuck sometimes. i'm always like, "you know, there's somethingreally awesome about you," "you're cute," or whatever; and like when i do the flip,i just can't find a negative thing ___1:41:17. it just comes out very congruent like ___1:41:24.do you always like just pick up the perfect todd: "you know what? you're so cute, andi hate that i feel that way about you." audience: okay. so it just doesn't ___1:41:33 todd: yeah. audience: "i love but i hate you." todd: "you're so cute, and i want to havea crush on you. i want to trust you; and because
i feel so good with you, that makes me nervous."that's a negative. right? any of that. just go with any of that. audience: as long as ___1:41:47 todd: or you can be like, "you know what?you're so amazing. you're so cute that like i literally know that at some point, i'm justgoing to not even know what to say to you; and i would be at a loss for words; and thatis just going to be fucking awkward; so let's just end it now." todd: right? yeah, why not? you can come upwith anything. the actual like literal meaning... even though that's actually like saying you'reso amazing and you're even more amazing is
the literal meaning, it's still in the formatof a push/pull; so we'll still have the same emotional reaction or same emotional effectivenessof a push/pull. does that make sense? so you can do that. just like literally say whateveris in your head. just couch it in that way. all right? and you can say almost anythingin a way that's extremely negative, extremely positive, or anywhere in-between. like forexample, you can say, "you're fucking hot." you can say, "oh, you're actually relativelycute." you can say like, "hm, you're kind of cute-ish." right? you can take the samething, and you can say it so many different ways. right? you'll be like, "wow, you'reactually kind of cute." right? and they're like, "actually? what do you mean? you didn'tthink i'd be cute?" right? you can say it
by just couching it or just like using a littlesoftener word here or there. you can completely change the meaning, and you can turn a statementthat's all positive into a one-statement push/pull. right? or you can take something very negativeand you can do it that way, too, like "wow, you are like phenomenally evil." right? witha smile on your face. right? i'll say that as like "you are so much trouble." right?which is like a negative but i'm saying it with a smile on my face and with arousal andso it's like a push/pull in that one statement. does that make sense? audience: yeah, it's definitely ___1:43:25 todd: hooking, to a certain extent, is anart. like i'm not going to say that like once
i've taught you like the technical steps tohooking, you're going to hook every set; but what you will be able to do is when your setshook, you'll understand why and when your sets don't hook, you'll understand why sothat you'll be able to... like your brain will interpret it better, and you'll becomemore consistent through the feedback. right? i'm not going to say that after hearing this,all of a sudden, you're going to go out and never have a set not hooked. that's a lie;but at least, i'll give you a context; so you can learn it better. okay. so that's focus,relevance. next one is emotion. emotion. super, super critical. okay? so say that the relevanceis "i can teach you some interesting fact about life." that's fine. you can even usethat. in fact, a lot of our like sort of prescripted
routines back in the day were like that. you'llbe like, "hey, you know what's really interesting? i saw this interesting news thing" or "hey,this is really interesting. come and check out this little cool trick i can do." right?that's something interesting and relevant about life; so that's useful in that way;but the problem is once you finished that topic, your relevance ends. right? 'causeyour relevance is tied to the topic and not tied to you. does that make sense? right?so say that you are someone's teacher in a class. as long as you're teaching that classand they're taking notes and they care about the class, you're relevant. as soon as classis over, your relevance is zero. okay? you don't want that, so here is where emotioncomes in. you need to make it emotional. you
need to make it man to woman, make it youand them, and tie it to yourself. okay? so that's when you want to say things like...like you can say like "you have a very interesting look." that's relevant; but now, you say,"you have a really interesting look. i kind of love it, and i kind of hate it." now, you'retying it to you. do you see that distinction? "you have an interesting look." okay. onceyou're done talking about the look, you're done. "you have an interesting look. i kindof love you, and i kind of hate you." now, you're getting closer to making it emotionallyrelevant. right? or you can say, "you have an interesting look. i bet that has led toyou being perceived in a certain way. are you being perceived in a certain way?" now,you're tying into like the emotions they've
had in other parts of their life. right? you'retying into an emotional experience for them rather than just a factual conversation. okay?'cause what are emotions? emotions quite literally are chemicals in the body. they quite literallyare like chemicals and hormones flowing through your body. okay? and the great thing aboutthem is they will motivate us to do things that we would never be able to do withoutthem. if we didn't have emotions... this is a long-winded way of explaining it, but it'sthe best way i know. there's an old paradox in computer science. it's called like theburidan's donkey paradox, and the way it works is there's this donkey. on one side of him,he has a big pail of water. another side of him, he has a big tub of food. he sits therethinking, "i'm kind of thirsty. maybe i'll
drink"; and he goes like, "no, no, no. i"mmore hungry. i think i'll eat," "no, i'm more thirsty. i'll drink," "no, i'm more hungry.i'll eat." he just sits there, going back and forth, not knowing which is the biggerpriority until he dies of hunger and thirst. okay? now, that's a dumb story in real life'cause no donkey would do that, no human being would do that; but a computer will do that.a computer if it's not given a priority will just vacillate and not do anything or vacillateand get like in an infinite loop or something like that. right? so in computer science,it's like an important metaphor because that's what would happen if we didn't have emotions.that's what a computer is. a computer is thought without emotion. right? and so without thatemotional compulsion, there's no drive to
go anywhere. there's no drive to do anything.you're not going to get a girl into you without compelling her emotionally, without gettingthose chemicals running in her body. it's so, so, so important. however, the problemwith the chemicals is the chemicals will eventually subside. eventually, if you stop stimulatingher, the chemicals will flush out of her system; and she won't feel that way anymore. okay?so once you have that emotion, you have those chemicals, you have that ability to motivateand control and get something to happen; but if we don't do something with it, if you don'tturn it into something tangible in the real world outside of just the chemicals in ourbody, when they subside, she will forget about you and flake; or she will be that girl that'slike happy, fun, kissing you, and then be
like, "okay. bye. take care" and not attachyou 'cause she hasn't made it tangible. okay? and that's where the decision phase comesin, and this is what almost everybody misses. right? i mean i guess all these stages arethings people miss, but the decision phase is what the advanced guys miss. the advancedguys don't get the decision phase. they don't get that compliance when they have that emotion;so the girl is feeling all emotional and bubbly and great; and then at that height of emotion,when she wants you there more than she's ever wanted anyone there, you go, "you know what?you don't have to talk if you don't want to. you can go"; and at that moment, she really,really doesn't want to go; and so she's like, "no, i'm good here." as soon as she says,"i'm good here," now she's made that commitment
to you. now, she's taken these emotions inher body; and she's turned them into something real and tangible in the world; and that'swhen you have a solid hook. that's the equivalent to like when you're fishing; and you get thatlittle bite on the hook; and then like if you were just to reel it in, you probablywouldn't catch the fish; but if you set that hook hard and like get it really in the lipof the fish, that's when you have the hook. that's what the decision is, that settingthe hook, making sure there's that compliance. okay? so that's the key thing to making ahook that lasts, and that's the key thing to getting a girl that will chase you andgetting a set where she'll tell her friends... this is the ideal set. this is not going tohappen often. this happened to me like a few
times in my life; but the ideal set that youwant is the set where at the end of the night, she says to her friends, "look, i know youguys are trying to protect me. you're probably right. i'm probably dumb, but i like thisguy. i'm going with him, and i don't care. deal with it" and then walks off with you.okay? i even had girls stay in a country when their friends are leaving the country to staywith me and do that. that's fucking compliance. that's when you have a logical commitment.that's your ideal. it's not going to happen every set, but that's the ideal. that's whatextreme compliance is. okay? todd: now, when you're looking for this decisionphase, when you're looking for this compliance, it can happen in two forms. one is compliancewhich is they come with you. right? "hey,
come here. do this" and they do it. that'sactual compliance. the other is non-noncompliance. okay? and what that is, is when you do somethingthat they should object to or they should reject you for and they don't. say you'retalking to a girl; and you say to a girl, "oh, my god. you're such a fucking slut. ihate you"; and she doesn't get angry; and she doesn't slap you in the face; and shedoesn't run away 'cause she likes you too much and she's afraid to do it. in her mind,she has to rationalize to herself why she didn't. that's also a form of compliance.okay? so that's a passive form of compliance. one form of compliance is you say, "do this"and she does it or you like pull her in and she does something with you physically; butthe non-noncompliance is when you do something
they should object to and they don't; butyou need one or the other of those to really, really set the hook. okay? so those are thestages of hooking. focus, relevance, emotion, decision. if you get those four, you havea hook. now, in longer sets where like the hook takes a while, it's very easy to noticethese distinct phases; but my contention is that even in the sets that hook immediatelyor that you seem to have instantly hooked, all these phases occurred. they just happenedlightning fast. okay? so for example, say that you do this, "hey, you, come here. oh,you're so cute." right? right there. yeah, it's okay. you can face the camera, too. okay.cool. so that's an instant hook. go ahead and sit down. so that's an immediate hook,but what happened? right? "hey" had the attention.
"you," it's about you. it's relevant. it'sa threat. it's something. right? it's a value or a threat. there's something going on. right?and then "come here," there's like that motion, that intensity in the eyes, which createssome kind of emotion and then "you"; and then she complied to it. so within that like splitsecond, i went through all four phases. does that make sense? focus, relevance, emotion,decison. bam. immediately. and that can happen, and that's why you get your instantaneoushook sometimes. there'll be other times. i'm like, "hey, you"; and she's like resistant;so now, i have her focus a little bit, no relevance, no emotion, no decision; and theni have to work through a process to get there. right? so some sets will hook quickly, andsome sets will hook longer, but that same
process for the hook is an existence in allthe sets. does that make sense? cool. so that's how to do the hook phase. questions on anyof that? lots. good. audience: so basically like when you're atan emotional high, that's when you should go for the decision like specifically whenyou're at high? todd: yeah. when you're at an emotional high,that's a good time to escalate in general and it's a good time to do push-aways in general.okay? it's a good time to escalate because the escalation will be received, so you canescalate without risking a lot of social capital. right? so you're likely to get success; soit's likely to be a good escalation; and then on the other hand, it's a good time to doa push-away because when it's in a high point
and you push away, they're very likely toactually run away. they're very likely to try and snap back and get your attention back.right? so yeah, most of your either like extreme positive or negative expressions, your extremeescalation or your extreme negatives, should occur at high points. those are the best optimaltimes for them, for sure. yeah? audience: so have you ___1:52:43 sort of likejust going up self-amusing and getting it hooked that way ___1:52:49 both or dependingon the situation? todd: i think that self-amusement is not adirect form of hooking. it's a cross-your-fingers-and-hope form of hooking, but it's very effective,and the reason it's very effective is 'cause self-amusing is one of the best ways to conveyvalue. right? and so let's say you have focus.
right? and then you need that relevance. that'sgoing to come from either value or threat, so self-amusing is conveying value/threatvery strongly. okay? and so when you're conveying value or threat strongly, you're going tokeep their attention for a period of time; and by keeping that attention for a periodof time, there's a high likelihood that there will be something emotional that will happenthat they can then lock onto; and locking on may or may not happen organically; so you'rehoping it happens organically. right? however, also, when you have a high value, people doreact emotionally to high value itself; so you're very likely to get through that thirdphase of emotion as well; and if you self-amuse long enough, you have value, you have thatemotion; and that emotion in the body, one
of two things, either you will get some commitmentor compliance at some point again by accident or if they have that feeling around you forlong enough even without commitment, they can sort of start to associate it with you;so that is another way to hook. right? so what you're doing when you self-amuse is you'reensuring that you're going to keep attention or you're going to keep focus and you're maintainingthat you're going to keep relevance 'cause you're being value/threat very strongly. right?so you're basically saying by self-amusing that i'm going to stay good on those two levelswhich means they'll stay with me and they'll stay engaged and aroused and a lot of goodthings could happen from there; but my contention is if you're self-amusing, and understandthis, you can make those last two phases happen
much more regularly and much more quicklyon an ongoing basis. right? so i would say combine the two. if you're not self-amusedand if you seem reaction-seeking, you're going to fail at the second stage which is the relevancestage. for example, say that a homeless person comes up and talks to you. right? he can getyou to focus. he can yell at you; and you'll focus; but whatever he is going to say toyou, there is no relevance 'cause you don't view him as value; and if you view him asa threat, the way you view him as a threat is like a physical threat; so you're goingto run away. right? so he can't... because of the nature of his interaction with you,he can't be perceived as value or threat; so he's not going to keep you there long enoughto get anything real out of it. does that
make sense? that's because he's needy andnot self-amused and he wants something in the interaction. by being self-amused, you'reensuring that you buy yourself that window for good things to happen. audience: yeah. how do you screen for blueprints?like what type of things do you say? todd: that's an interesting question. i'venever overtly thought about that. usually with me, it comes up naturally although ido screen for blueprints when i'm looking to pull a girl; and so there, i guess, totake the metaphor of what i do there to everything, what i would do is think about what blueprintsare common and then ask questions which are indicative of them or do little tests whichare indicative of them. so for example, one
common blueprint might be the girl who wantslike rules and structure. right? so you could ask a girl, "are you the type of person wholikes rules and structure and likes to know like what you're doing in life or are youthe type of person who likes to like kind of figure it out and like have sort of likethe freedom to go your own way?" i could ask something like that; and depending on heranswer, that could tell you. right? and what you can do when doing that... because blueprintis not a static thing. blueprint is fluid. okay? so a girl's blueprint with a celebritywould be different than a girl's blueprint with someone who they know like through theirschool and like are friends first with and maybe will consider a relationship down theroad. right? there's a different blueprint
to that context. they're basically playinga different role; so when you screen for blueprint, you're also directing blueprint, if you'resmart about it; and when you're screening for logistics, when you're screening to tryand take a girl home or trying to like get a girl to leave a club with you, you're findingout her like availability; but you're also indicating to her the right things to say;and you're sort of moving her availability in that direction. okay. so for example, onething that i'll do to screen for pulling a girl is i would say, "oh, i would like toscreen for how protective are your friends." right? and i've always wanted to ask thatquestion, but i was always afraid to ask that question because it's so obvious. it's soobvious i'm trying to pull them. right? and
so what i came up with to do that is i softenedit; and i also added the incentive for them to go a certain way; so it'll be like, "soyour friends, are they like extremely uptight and like if you walk five feet away from them,they'll call the police or are they like cool people who like know how to chill and likerealize that you're an adult?" right? so you're screening for it; and even saying it thatway, some people are like, "no, my friends are very protective"; and you'll find out;but you're also encouraging the proper answer. make sense? so understand that blueprint isfluid; and especially if a girl is attached to you or wants to please you, they will changetheir answer to things and will change their outlook; so you do want to screen it; butyou also want to influence it at the same
time as you are screening it and so, if thatmakes sense as well; but a lot of it can happen organically. the other thing that is reallygood and this'll come into the next phase which is the emotional connection phase butit's the idea of qualification. right. so qualifying a girl is getting her to jump throughyour hoops, finding out the reasons why you like her; but in the qualifying, you'll findout a lot about blueprint; so basically, what i suggest and this is good for everyone hereis think of like five nonphysical things you'd like in a girl; and then when you're talkingto the girl, once you have a hook, once you have a set that's willing to stay there andis a little bit invested, start finding out if she is those things you like because that'sgoing to do two things. number one, it's going
to screen. number two, it's going to encourageit's going to encourage her to be those things, so it's going to lead her down that path.does that make sense? but in order to be screening for blueprint, i guess the answer is you needto know what blueprints you're screening for 'cause you can't... you can either like justhave the conversation and then just be aware when things pop up; but if you want to overtlyscreen for blueprint, have in your mind "here are the blueprints of girls i like" or "hereare the blueprints i want to encourage"; and then you have to like sort of proactivelyscreen. it's like if you do a science experiment, you usually start with a hypothesis. you startwith something you're trying to test, and then you do an experiment to test it. youdon't just like look at nature and consider
that science. i mean you can get ideas fromthat, but you want to start with hypothesis if you're trying to be formulaic. make sense? audience: let's say you hook a girl ___1:59:47you're pretty close butthurt; and you just find yourself in a situation where you'rechasing, chasing, chasing. i find myself in that situation a lot. i get pissed 'causei'm like, "god damn it. i don't know what to do. i don't know how to flip that." canyou go into that? todd: it's tough 'cause it depends on whatyou're chasing. if you're chasing her attention, you're in bad shape. like if you have to keepgoing "hey, hey, hey. come back. come back" for attention, that's really tough; and you'reprobably screwed; but...
audience: i'm talking more about when i'mescalating and it's just, you know... todd: right. so if you're there, now you wantto think about it. it sounds like you have some hooked but not all the way hooked. right?it sounds like you have a partially hooked set. right? so it sounds like you probablyhave some relevance, some emotion; but she hasn't made any firm decision; so what i woulddo is i'd give her encouragement to make a decision. i do things like leave a littlesilence in the set; or i do things like instead of qualifying yourself, instead of sayinghow amazing you are, go the opposite way for a while and be like, "no, i'm nothing special.i seem charming at first. it goes away. don't worry," that kind of stuff, and make her committo the fact that she is staying there even
though you're doing unimpressive things oreven though you're doing sort of like slightly rapport-breaking things. right? so i'd usethat as an example; and then the most overt example would be i'd tell the girl she isfree to go at times but when it's an emotional high; so even if you've been chasing, chasing,but it's an emotional high point and it's pretty good, you could tell her, "oh, it'sokay. you can go now" right at that moment of emotional high; and that'll force it toflip. audience: ___2:01:09 todd: yeah. yeah, that's tough. if you'rechasing the attention, you're fucked or you're in really, really bad shape; but if you'reanything past the attention phase, it's theoretically
winnable. does that make sense? you just haveto like work through it. it may take several tries. it may be a slow process of like switchingthe frame; but as long as you have the attention and are able to lead a little bit, you cantheoretically chip away at it and get there. todd: all right. so let's do emotional connection.we'll actually do emotional/physical connection a little bit together because that's how theyshould be done. okay? now, the reason we put emotional connection before physical connectionback in the day was that the emotional connection motivates the physical more than, i guess,the physical necessarily motivates the emotional and also because it's safer. it's safer tohave more emotional connection than go for the physical in terms of not losing the setthan it is to be more physical or try and
be more physical when you don't have any emotionalconnection; so that's why it was ordered that way; but the way it should be done is together.you should not be finding out the girl's most like intimate secrets and fantasies and havenever touched her. you should also usually not be like getting super, super physicaland hot and heavy and not even know her at all unless you're already in a situation wheresex can happen. if you're already in a situation where sex can happen, that's actually fine;but if you have to make further moves that are going to require her trust, you want tomake sure there is some emotional connection along with the physical. okay? the first stageand actually the most important stage by far in emotional connection is qualification.it's qualifying the girl, letting her know
that there's a legitimate reason you likeher as opposed to just 'cause she was the next girl. also, a great thing about qualificationis it actually builds its own value because through the very act of qualifying a girl,the very act of finding out about a girl and putting her through hoops and asking her difficultquestions, you're conveying to her that you are a selective guy. you're conveying to herthat you are a guy who has options, you're a guy of high value, you're a guy she hasto work for, that sort of thing; and it increases the emotional arousal and also the relevancefactor. okay? did that make sense? so what is qualifying? well, the most basic form ofqualifying is switching the buyer/seller dynamic. okay? the buyer/seller dynamic basically meansthat in any interaction, one person is selling
themselves to the other one and the otherperson is deciding, to a greater or lesser degree. it's very hard to be selling and buyingat the same time. okay? so you want to be on the buying side, not the selling side.you want them selling to you. you want them convincing you why they're good. now, thisis ironic because you walked up and you started the interaction. right? you started with them,so obviously like you already bought them. right? you need to sell yourself 'cause youwalked up. you're the one who needs to prove yourself. well, not necessarily. that's onlytrue if you believe it's true. that's only true if you let it be true. okay? the metaphorwe use for this is the best buy tv analogy which is say that you walk into best buy,and you see a tv you like, and you mention
to the salesman you like that tv. you don'tnow have to start selling yourself to the tv just 'cause you walked up to it. you'relike, "hey, i like this tv; and i want you to know i'd give this tv a good home. i havea good vcr. i have lots of channels. i wipe the screen regularly. i have a nice room thati think it will be like well framed in." right? you don't have to do that. it doesn't matter,but you walked up to the tv. you showed interest first, but you can still be selective. similarlyto a girl, you'd be like, "hey, what's up? i like you. who are you? what are your features?are you smart? can you banter? can you be sexy or are you boring?" right? you can dothe same thing. you can flip the script. todd: who are you? i'm todd.
woman #5: who are you? todd: just a boy. i think i'm special, buti'll leave that open to your judgment. i try not to sell myself. huh? woman #5: are you here alone? todd: i am. i'm just walking through. woman #5: okay. i was wondering if your friendscould come over here or something. todd: i don't have any friends. i'm very shy. woman #5: i highly doubt that. todd: i actually don't like dating, so it'sgood. i prefer rendezvous with, you know...
woman #5: rendezvous ___2:05:20 todd: and the way i like to look at it isthe prince has chosen you. okay? i'm the prince. i'm the prince. i've chosen the girl; andas of right now, she has an audience in my court as long as she doesn't fuck it up. ifshe fucks it up, she is out of the court. right? so imagine you're a prince in a royalcourt; and you see someone like common girl in one of the performing troupes; and youthink she's hot; and you say to your little minions like, "i want to meet her. have herbrought to me." she comes to you, and you're going to evaluate her, and you chose her,but you're still the prince, and she's still a common girl. does that make sense? that'sthe frame you should have. that's sort of
the vibe you should have with this. okay?because you're providing more of the value to the interaction. what you can provide tothe interaction as a man to just about any woman is not just more than that nice, warm,wet hole they're providing but like literally like thousands or millions of times more.it's no contest. okay? that's what you're bringing to the table. right? if you wereto walk up to a girl and you had a check in your backpocket for 10,000 dollars with hername on it, would you feel nervous about giving it to her? would you feel nervous about askingher a couple of questions before giving her the check? absolutely not 'cause you knowyou're offering value. now, you should ask yourself as a man with all the things youcan provide in terms of great experiences,
learning opportunities, influence, inspiration,material resources, all that kind of stuff, are you, if you're willing to commit to agirl, worth well more than that 10,000 dollars? probably like orders and orders of magnitudemore. right? so you should not feel nervous walking up and talking to a girl. you shouldnot feel you need to qualify yourself to the girl, and you should feel that you want tofind a girl who is worthy of that 'cause there are plenty of options. okay? so that's thekind of the vibe you should have and the idea of qualification; and then within qualification,understand that it's again another escalation. it's another form of social capital; so everytime you demand something of a girl and she says yes to it or goes along with it, youbuild your social capital. you get closer
to her. you're also getting to know her. right?which is good, too. so qualification is great because it's one of the very few things youcan do that builds value and comfort at the same time. okay? almost everything you dothat builds value destroys comfort. right? being a badass, being an asshole, being non-needy,being super assertive builds value, makes her trust you less 'cause it makes it seemlike you have too many options. okay? getting to know a girl, telling your innermost secrets,confessing vulnerabilities builds comfort, lets her get to know you; but it destroysyour value. right? but qualification does both at once 'cause you're putting her throughthe hoops, you're being a selective man, but you're taking the time to get to know herand show her why she is special. that's why
qualification is so beautiful; and that'swhy, for me personally, most of my game is in qualification. i take the qualificationphase basically almost from the open to all the way to the bedroom. even like right upuntil like my penis is almost inside of them, it's all qualification phase. does that makesense? it's absolutely huge because, again, it can build value and comfort at the sametime which makes it beautiful. by the way, the one other thing i found in communicationthat does value and comfort at the same time is storytelling. that's the other one. right?'cause storytelling, you're leading the frame; you're dictating the interaction; you're controllingwhat's going on; but you're also letting the girl into your life, giving her a window toget to know you. so that's the other thing
that builds value and comfort at the sametime. so storytelling and qualification, two of the most powerful tools you can possiblyhave in game for that reason because as far as i know... if you can come up with otherones, please let me know. i'd love to know them, but they're the two things i know ofthat build value and comfort at the same time. okay? so, so, so important. todd: all right. so how do you qualify? well,first, it helps to know what you want to qualify on; so that exercise i told you, come up withfive nonphysical traits you'd look for in a girl, that's a good one. another good oneif you want to qualify and encourage at the same time is think about the traits that shecould have that would lead to the relationship
you want. okay? so you qualify her for whoshe is. also qualify her for what type of relationship she can give you in general inthe long term or for tonight. okay? so you can qualify her logistics, you can qualifyher beliefs, you can qualify her attitudes and adventurousness. those are all sort ofsame night qualifiers; and if i'm qualifying for one-night stand, those are the types ofthings i'm doing. right? if i'm qualifying for more of a long-term thing, i'd qualifyfor "is she educated?," "is she financially independent?," "does she have freedom andflexibility in her life?," "is she sexually open?," "does she like to learn things?" thoseare my personal ones. those might be completely opposite for you. who knows? but those arepersonal ones i'd be qualifying on. okay?
but the idea is i have an idea in my headof the perfect girl that i'm looking for in general. i also have an idea in my head ofthe perfect scenario and the perfect type of attitude and structure to the story fora one-night stand or for a dating scenario; and depending on what i decide is the optimalscenario for the particular logistics and particular girl, i start qualifying to that.okay? so if i'm looking for the one-night stand, i qualify hard on the one-night standstuff. if i found out that the girl cannot do a one-night stand for very plausible reasonsand i just need to get a phone number and follow up, i'll qualify her for things likehow we can meet up on the date and what kind of person she is and whether she is someonei'd enjoy spending that kind of time with,
that sort of thing; so i'm qualifying hertowards the end that i have in mind. okay? and that end can be sex, date, relationship,threesome, whatever. whatever it is, you can qualify them to that; and again, you're screeningfor it; but you're also encouraging them to it; so you always couch things in such a waythat you're saying that what you want is the good option and what you don't want is thebad option in subtle ways. does that make sense? cool. so that's qualification. so,so, so important in terms of being a man of value, in terms of letting them know thatthere is something special about them. you'll find as you get better in game that a lotof times, girls will be overwhelmed by you, will feel like you're overqualified, willfeel like... do you ever get girls saying
like, "oh, you could get so many other girls.you're such a player. why are you even with me?," that sort of stuff? that's a situationwhere the girl sees so much value in you, she doesn't feel qualified; and so she's lesslikely to sleep with you because she feels like it's not special. she feels like she'lljust be another notch on her bedpost; and that detracts from the experience for her;but if you can find a few things about her that are special, even if she still doesn'tfeel like she deserves you, actually especially if she still doesn't feel like she deservesyou, but she feels special in some way, that makes a great experience for her. right? onegirl i saw very recently, she just... for whatever reason, she convinced herself, aspart of the experience, that i was like the
most connected guy in vegas and like i waslike the most like successful life together guy she'd ever met; and it was absolutelybizarre; so like we went back to the place where i'm staying which is like an apartmentcomplex; but she was like convinced in her head. in order to like make the narrativework, she was convinced it was a super luxury hotel. she's convinced; and then like i'mwalking around with this key card; and she's like, "why do you have access to all theseplaces in the hotel that like you wouldn't normally have access to? who are you? you'renot just a public speaker. you're somebody. who are you?"; and she's just convinced inher head that i must be somebody. i didn't even do anything to really feed into it. alli did was like i just didn't qualify myself,
and i qualified her a little bit, and thenlike i didn't like want to talk about work. right? even when she was giving me complimentsabout it. and that's it; so that combined with the fact that she was aroused and wantedme to be higher value, she created that experience for herself; but that's the experience thegirl wants. the girl wants... one second. she wants the experience of the guy who sheabsolutely doesn't deserve; but for some reason, there is something special in the air, actually,you know, great chemistry. you have this thing in common, and it makes it beautiful becauseshe's not just the next girl either. yup? audience: can you give us an example of howthe conversation will go? like so do you ask her questions like "are you into yoga?" ___2:13:40.for example, these are my qualifying questions.
when she says yes, i'm like, "oh, my god.that's great ___2:13:45 todd: so yeah. like for example, one of mineis "is she fit?" right? so i'll like ___2:13:53 "oh, you're strong. do you work out?" right?and then depending where it's at, i can give either positive or negative feedback to heranswer; and i can give graded feedback, too; so if a girl is massively beneath me or likefeels like she's massively beneath me, then i can just be like, "oh, you do that? i lovethat. that's so amazing. that's so cool that you do that." if a girl is like a solid, fuckinghard, heavy 10 with like attitude who like dates like professional athletes and likehedge fund billionaires and shit like that, then i wouldn't be like, "oh, my god. that'sso amazing. you do yoga." i'm like, "that's
too easy," like "please." she ___2:14:31 shitfor that. right? 'cause what the guys she is used to are used to girls that have done,you know, all kinds of crazy, amazing things and stuff like that so like if girls likedo yoga, i'll be like, "oh, so are you a teacher or do you just go to classes?" right? or like"oh, so you've like done like something like crazy training like all over the world andstuff or do you just go to like your little...?" whatever or you'll be like, "oh, so you meanlike that really intense like hot yoga?" right? and if they're like no, you'll be like, "oh,yeah, that's still cool." right? that sort of thing. audience: the fact that you're asking themquestions communicates ___2:15:06. you don't
todd: exactly. exactly. and then it can bejust in subtle little things, too. it can be just like the look you give her after.right? so you're like... you can even qualify like on where someone is from like "whereare you from?" they answer; and you're like, "oh, okay. well, anyway..." change of topic.right? they're like, "wait. what's wrong with where i'm from?" right? so that's the negativeone; or if you need to give them the positive, you could do like, "oh, my god. i love thatcity. actually, i went there and..." make sense? todd: so you have the option at any time togive them something very positive or very negative; and by choosing how positive ornegative to make it, you control the level
of qualification. right? and again, for likethe hot girl that needs a lot of value and not as much comfort, you're going to qualifylike harsher and with a lot less positive feedback; and with the girl that already likeloves you and feels like she doesn't even deserve you, you're going to just keep givingback to her and letting her feel like she's like on the same level somehow. the otherthing that you can do along the same line as qualification which is kind of like reversequalification is whenever they ask you questions, you can either make them impressive if youneed value or you can ground it onto their reality if you need comfort; so for example,for me, i have a lifestyle where i travel the world, i meet a lot of people, i'm dotedon to a certain extent in certain things that
i'm doing. it sounds like a pretty cool lifestyleto a girl. most girls would fucking love to be in my lifestyle. they actually wouldn't'cause they wouldn't like to do the work; but the picture they have of my lifestyle,they actually love it. right? and so when i tell them that, it sounds really, reallycool. now, if a girl is already insecure and i tell her that, she just gets overwhelmed.she's like, "oh, shit. you're like way above me"; so if a girl asks me what i do and iknow she's like kind of not there, not on the same level with me, i'll be like, "yeah,it's interesting. i was actually really sort of like shy in college. i was actually kindof insecure about my career, and so i didn't want to go get a job in that particular career,so i took kind of a crazy risk, and it was
actually probably stupid at the time. i gotreally lucky, but..." right? so you're grounding this like crazy reality onto coming from asituation like them, so it makes it relevant and relatable to them. right? so that's ifthey're like way beneath you. if they're like way like super... they're used to dating likereally high-end people and shit like that and like whatever you're going to say to themis not that impressive, then you'll be like, "yeah, i don't like talking about my job.people always seem to like define me based on it. i want you to like me for me; and thenonce we like each other, we can talk about all that shit; but i don't want our attractionor our relation to be built on anything superficial; so let's just keep it us for now." right?and that's like this whole like "i don't even
want to tell you. i'm not trying to impressyou" thing, and that can work really well with those girls that are used to the superhigh-value guys, so it's calibrating to the situation. yeah? audience: so by asking these qualifying questions,are you building compliance each time that she answers them, at the same time qualifyingher? todd: yes, that would be true. that's correct.the other things to keep in mind in terms of connection... connection and comfort arevery similar, and the key thing that builds comfort is time. okay? here's why. can anyonedefine comfort for me? what is comfort? audience: cigar.
todd: huh? what is comfort? can anybody actuallygive me definition for the word comfort? audience: connection. todd: connection is a synonym. a definitionbut it's a synonym, kind of. audience: ___2:18:32 in the body. it's likeit's relaxed. it's like ___2:18:34 todd: okay. so relaxed, being cool, more synonyms. todd: how it feels. we know what's the feeling.that's good. audience: ___2:18:43 todd: right. so you're doing things that couldoccur in comfort, things that are similar to comfort; but it's still not a definition.right?
audience: someone you can see yourself within the future. todd: okay. so being able to see someone butthat's still not a definition of comfort. right? that's a characteristic of feelingcomfort, but it's still not a definition. audience: ___2:19:02 danger or threat. todd: there. perfect. right? that's actuallynot even a definition either. it's a negative definition. todd: but that's the only way to define comfort.okay? you can't define comfort in the positive. you can only define it in the negative. okay?so what is comfort? comfort is lack of discomfort. okay? it's like we know... you go to the gym.your muscle is sore. you know what a sore
muscle feels like, but what does a non-soremuscle feel like? who knows? it's not sore. right? comfort is a lack of discomfort. right?there is no feeling of comfort. there is just lack of discomfort, so the biggest thing thatbuilds comfort is time. it's time without discomfort. right? that's what builds comfort,and that's why it oftentimes takes time to sleep with a girl. it's because that comfortcan't build instantly because if you have like a feeling of not being sore on your bodyfor a second, who cares? you're not used to it. you don't notice it. it's not a big dealyet. right? it takes time for it to become relevant. it takes time for it to mean something.okay? so comfort is built on time. that's why you need to be patient in your game. that'swhy you need to allow it to grow naturally.
that's why you need to let the movie playout. right? if you're trying to make things happen too fast, it's going to (1) take awayyour opportunity to build comfort but (2) the effort that you're putting into it isgoing to create massive discomfort. right? 'cause it's conveying that you're the typeof guy who hasn't been there before, you're the type of guy for whom this is a big dealand it's a heavily invested thing. okay? and that's not what you want. for a girl to comewith you, for a girl to come home with you, here is the absolute best phrase that i'veever heard for getting a girl to come home and credit to jeff for this one. he said,"we're going to go someplace..." let's see. "we're going to go somewhere lovely that youwill love; and if you don't, well, then you
can go home; and it doesn't really mattereither way 'cause i'm having a good time; and that's all that really matters. right?"that's the exact perfect phrase for a pull. okay? "we're going to go somewhere lovelythat you will love." okay. we're going to do something positive. here's the key part."and if you don't, you can leave." okay? it's not a big commitment. it's not a big hassle.you can always get out of it. you don't sell how amazing it is. you sell that it's nota big commitment. right? like a lot of people, they'll see a product; and if it seems reallyamazing, they won't buy it 'cause it seems too amazing, they don't believe it; but alot of people will buy something because there's a money-back guarantee. right?
audience: can you say the whole thing again? todd: the whole phrase? todd: "we're going to go somewhere lovelythat you will love; and if you don't, well, then you can go home; and either way, it doesn'tmatter because i'm having a good time; and that's what really matters. right?" okay?that's the phrase. he says, "you can go home." i say, "you can leave"; but it's the samething. that's the general idea. okay? so you don't sell the positive. you don't sell thehuge upside. the fact that they're with you for a period of time, the fact that they'vecommitted time to you, the fact they've escalated physically, they like you. you don't haveto sell the upside that's already there. what
you have to sell is the lack of downside.you have to sell that it's not a big risk. right? so you sell the money-back guarantee."if you don't like it, you can leave." make sense? right? that's absolutely key and thenthe last part, "it doesn't matter 'cause either way, i'm having fun; and that's what reallymatters." i'm not in this to get laid. if it happens, it's great. i'm not in this toget something from you. i'm not in this to use you. i'm having a good time. it's aboutthe experience. it should be about the experience for you because that's what it is for her.for her, it's about the experience, too; so that's making it relatable. okay? but that'sthe idea. "you're going to come with me. it's not a big commitment. it's not a big deal."if i'm trying to push too fast, if i'm trying
too hard, it is a big deal; and that buildsdiscomfort. that's going to get in the way. okay? comfort is built over time, so you needto have patience. now, don't have a patience where you're not escalating. don't have thekind of patience where you're just sitting there, doing nothing, being like "i'm justkilling time. this sucks." right? you still have to be engaged in the conversation. youstill have to stay engaged in the interaction 'cause if you're disengaged, that conveysthat you have no chemistry; and that's going to build discomfort. okay? so you still haveto stay engaged. it's not a matter of setting your like watch and being like "okay. i'lljust sit in silence for three hours; and then at that point, i'll leave with her." it doesn'twork like that for a number of reasons, one
being that the disengagement builds discomfort,two being that the interaction as you get more calm, the emotions sort of subside andthat needs to be replaced with something. okay? here's probably the last model i'm goingto give you guys, but think of an axis. think of a graph where this is like arousal andthis is time. okay? and think about like the amount of energy you're putting to the set.at the start of the set, you're putting a lot of energy in. you have to be very likeon top of it, get their attention, keep their attention, move things forward, be witty,like have a good response to shit tests and a lot of energy. then over time, it's goingto gradually go down 'cause at some point, you're going to be like just sitting on...they're sitting on your lap. you're cuddling.
you're just like ___2:24:06. nothing reallyis going on verbally. okay? and that's more what leads to sex 'cause sex comes out ofthat calm, comfortable, but aroused vibe; but the problem is as the energy level goesdown, the set is less interesting and less fun; and so a lot of guys will lose the girlwhen they start getting into that comfort phase because it's not as much fun anymore;so what do you do? you must replace that energy with something else; and what that is, isphysicality; so as the emotions are subsiding or the caloric burn, so to speak, the amountof like energy being put into set is subsiding, you need to increase the physical to matchit; so the total sum of the energies kind of stays constant, kind of stays level. doesthat make sense? so you go from this very
hyper-interaction with not a lot of physicalityto this very calm interaction with very sensual, close to sex physicality; and then it's justa natural transition to sex especially if as i've said over and over again, they'recomplying and they're going with you along the entire way; so that's the whole thingis to get them chasing and get them participating and allow enough time for them to fill thatgap and for them to fill that comfort. todd: specifically if you want to build comfort,there are two different types of comfort that you can build or two types of connection,i guess, that you can build. one is what we call wide rapport, and one is what we calldeep rapport. wide rapport is the idea that you can talk about anything with someone.deep rapport is the idea that there are few
topics that you have very much in common,you can have nice deep conversations as opposed to superficial gossip. ideally, you want both.okay? if you're talking all about one topic and only one topic, you will get a nice, heavy,deep conversation with a girl; but as soon as she comes out of that conversation, she'sgoing to feel like, "woah, that was really deep. i guess i can talk about like that onething with this guy"; but that's it; and she's not going to want to see you again; and she'snot going to feel deeply connected to you. if you talk about a million things superficially,she'll be like, "oh, that guy is a fun conversationalist. it's a good chit-chat"; but there's no realdeep emotion being aroused. she hasn't gone really into something; and so for that reason,she won't necessarily... she'll be fine with
seeing you again. she will feel comfortable,but she won't be deeply motivated. okay? so the one is motivating but uncomfortable. theother is comfortable but not very motivating. and what you want is both. you want that deeprapport where there is that motivation like there's something intense there; and thenyou also want some wide rapport where you've talked about a lot of different topics; soideally, the conversation, if you want to like have a girl not flake, if you want agirl to see you again, that sort of thing, or if you just want her to feel very connectedto you in that night and it's a longer pull and not like a quick clubby pull, you wantto have that combination of wide and deep rapport. okay? so that's the last thing i'dsay to focus on in terms of all that, and
that's going to enhance the experience ofcomfort, so we said comfort is built on time. right? comfort is built on time, and timeis therefore a necessary component. however, there are things you can do to make time appearto pass faster. there's a reason why some sets take seven hours to pull and some setstake half an hour or an hour, and the reason is... well, part of the reason is the girl'sblueprint. some girls need more value and less comfort, but another reason is what thenature of the time spent is. okay? so if you're spending time and you're doing some wide anddeep rapport, that's going to make it seem like you spent more time together, the factthat you've had those deep topics and a lot of topics. it's going to make it seem likethe time you spent together means more, so
it sort of like dilates the time. right? theother one is multiple locations. if you spend time with a girl in three or four differentplaces instead of standing in one place, it makes it seem as though you spent more timewith her; so that comfort ends up being built more rapidly 'cause it's not about the actualpassage of time. it's about the subjective feeling of time. okay? so things that youcan do to make it subjectively feel like you've been together longer, you've talked aboutmore things together, introduced her to more of your friends... those all build comfortfaster. the other one you can do is the more similarities or things in common you havewith her, the more likely you are to build comfort because... say me. i'm a soccer player.i played soccer most of my life. i've known
a lot of people who are soccer players andhad a lot of friends who are soccer players. if i meet a girl and she's a soccer player,i feel as though i know certain things about her by association; and it's like by havingspent time with all those other people in my life, i spent some time with her becausei'm associating her with that group. right? does that make sense? so by associating witha group or associating with activity or commonality, that can also make time seem to pass faster;so those are things you can do to make that comfort time not take eons and eons. all right?yeah? audience: ___2:28:34 todd: passions are good. sexual experiencesand intimate experiences are good. things
like family can be good. travel can be goodin some context, stuff like that. but like passions is a good one. again, anything thatyou're talking passionately about is a really good go-to. audience: i mean this may not be fair; butthe chodey subjects, the subjects that most guys would talk about ___2:29:06 todd: yeah, most guys would talk about thoselike before the girl is committed; but you should talk about them after. yeah. and youshould also be careful that because they are chodey subjects, you don't go so much intothem and stop having emotional spikes. even as you're having these... like i can havea very deep conversation with a girl; and
as i'm having it, i'll still make fun of herevery now and again. right? i'll still make sure there are emotional spikes. it doesn'tcompletely ever go away. like there's less value being utilized and more comfort, butit's not like i ever turn down the value completely. it's not like i ever completely like chodeout. okay? so you don't want to go too far that way either. and then the last thing isthe physical escalation which brings us right back full circle to closing. right? physicalescalation, absolutely paramount that you do it; that you are constantly pinging forand trying to do it, trying to move forward; but also that it's not so needy and aggressivethat it's too obvious. so this is where you get into two steps forward, one step back,that sort of thing. right? push to the point
of the little bit of discomfort and then chillit out, back off, and then try again. right? absolutely critical with the physical connection.and then all the things i said before about making a move but making it in a subtle wayso that she has a chance of accepting it but if she doesn't accept it, it's not a big negativeso you want to be constantly, relentlessly pushing forward but not in a way that canhurt you. okay? so those are all five of the phases of pickup: open, hook, emotional connection,physical connection, and close. i want to emphasize to you again as i did at the start.the close is the objective; so everything you do in all of the other phases needs tobe geared towards the close, not just geared towards getting through that phase or gettingto the next phase. okay? if you do things
to hook a girl that are going to make herdistrust you so much that you're not going to be able to build comfort later, you mayget the hook but you're going to make it very hard for other things to happen. okay? ifyou manage to get the emotional connection in such a way that the girl feels really closeto you but in the process, you destroy all your value and you make it way too obviousyou like the girl, you're going to hurt the idea of her chasing you and participatinglater and you're going to end up with a vibe of you pushing and her resisting. right? thereare all these things, all these little things you can do along the way, that will get youfurther along towards the fifth step but will actually hurt the fifth step itself, willactually hurt the closing itself; so what
you want to do in game is you want to be constantlymoving forward; but you're going to make sure that what you're doing to move the interactionforward is not hurting the close. okay? remember, always keep the close in mind. that's theimportant part. that's the victory. all the little steps are nice along the way; and especiallyif you're learning and you have trouble with it, do what you have to, to get there; butalways in the back of your mind, remember that it's moving towards the close, not justtowards the next little box that you're checking off along the way.
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